Wedding etiquette question.?

My wife's cousin is getting married in november and has asked our 2 girls (ages 3 and 1) to be flower girls. She was at our house the other day and mentioned that they will not be having kids at the reception. Later on my wife expressed to me how upset she was because she thought that our kids were not invited. I assured her that her cousin probably meant there would be no kids besides ours since they are family and in the wedding party. I don't think my wife was convinced. So I wrote an email to her cousin explaining the situation and asked her to clear things up with my wife. I'm sure it was a misunderstanding and just don't want to see my wife upset. Now that I sent the email I wonder if I was wrong in my interpretation of things. Is it bad form to have kids in your wedding party and not at the reception? Especially if they are family?

Wedding etiquette question.?
If they're in the wedding, it's kinda not cool to ask them to stay away from the reception, mostly out of respect for you and the hassle of having to either leave yourselves or find somewhere to take them b/t the two events. If they want no kids there, they shouldn't have them in the wedding. Otherwise, it should be cool. I think you were ok to ask the bride...honestly, the best way to get the answer is to go straight to the source and clear any confusion up front before feelings get hurt.
Reply:If they are in the wedding party they should be included in the reception, regardless if they are family or not. Most likely your girls and the ring bearer will be the only children at the reception since they are in the wedding party.



If your girls are not invited to the reception after being a part of the ceremony I find this rather rude. On the other hand, if they are not invited, you and your wife can get a babysitter and enjoy a night of dancing without having to worry about whose watching the girls. It's OK to feel a bit snubbed but let it roll off your backs and enjoy yourselves regardless.
Reply:That would be really sad. If they won't be allowed at the reception, if we were in your family's shoes, we would decline having the kids as flower girls - the one year old is way too young anyway - and we don't attend weddings we can't come to as a family.
Reply:Regrdless of what etiquette says, everyone is not "in the loop". People are going to do what they want, regardless. No matter how you slice it someone is going to get mad.



If the bride and groom say only the kids in the wedding can come, then everyone else with kids might get mad if they didn't get to bring their kids.



If they say no kids at the reception, including those IN the wedding, then the parents of those kids get mad.



If they allow all kids, then you have a reception with a few dozen kids running around hitting each other with balloons, running into guests, a DJ that's worried about his equipment getting rammed into, and little fingerprints in the cake frosting. And those who don't have kids, or left theirs at home are mad because they think that everyone else should have left the kids with a sitter.



Regardless of what the Bride and Groom decide, it's important to remember that it's their party and they get to decide who they invite. But there will STILL be people who bring kids, even if the kids weren't invited. We started out only inviting immediate family and out of town kids, but people wrote in their kids on the RSVP. So now we are probably going to have a dozen or so kids...
Reply:No because i had a flower girl and ring bearer in our wedding and they had their own little party right next door to ours while the adults did their thing at the reception. we hired a very trusting baby sitter[someone they knew} and set them up their own buffet served with their favorite foods and they didnt miss a thing. but i think that is what your cousin is saying the kids can be at the wedding but not at the reception. after all this is her day not theirs and she probablydoesnt want the running around or hollering going on during the reception. u need to decide if this is the case to let your kids be in the wedding or not if these are her intentions.
Reply:If the children are in the wedding party, it is horrible not to invite them to the reception. It is definitely in poor taste. I understand why people don't want kids at wedding receptions. A lot of people feel that it is a time for adults to let loose and enjoy themselves without worrying about children. I really hope that your cousin was not talking about your children not being invited.
Reply:Chances are good the kids will be invited to the reception as they're part of the bridal party.



When I got married, we chose to have an adult only reception - not because we don't love kids, but because my husband's family is huge - we could have EASILY ended up with close to 70 kids under the age of 12 when it was all said and done!!



However, all of my nieces and nephews were in the wedding, and were all invited to the reception. However, since my SIL's (who were also bridesmaids) wanted to stay and celebrate, they made arrangements for someone to take the kids home and watch them - something you may want to consider if you'd like to stay at the reception.



It's a long day for everyone, and it especially takes its toll on the little ones - they're overexcited, overstimulated, don't want to nap, don't want to be in dresses/tuxes anymore, etc. Given that they ARE that young, they may not even want to go to the reception. I know that my reception started at 7:00. By 8:30, all but my two oldest nieces were in jammies and by 9:00, I think they all had left, because they were just wiped out.



In any case, I don't think you're wrong to ask for clarification of what she said.



Hope that's helpful.
Reply:If they are well behaved enough to be part of the ceremony, I assume it will be no problem at the reception. I have seen some people who imply because there is alcohol at the reception that it is not a good place for children. I think it would be rude to invite anyone to the ceremony and not the reception, children included.



I have never been to a wedding reception that was unsafe for children, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.
Reply:if the kids are going to be in the wedding, they should be at the reception as well. it would be very inconsiderate to you if they told you the kids are not welcome at the reception, after doing their duties as flower girls. are you expected to go home, and drop them off with a babysitter? that would be very rude.
Reply:It is bad form. Regardless of their age, if they are in the wedding they're considered to be part of the wedding party, and therefore should be invited to the reception. Even if there aren't other children there, the flower girls (and ring bearer if they have one) should be present for the reception.
Reply:If the kids are in the wedding party, they definitely SHOULD be invited to the reception as well. But it wouldn't be the first time that someone has missed the etiquette boat. Wait to see what your cousin has to say in response to the e-mail. Once you have her response, take it from there.
Reply:First of all, a 1-year-old shouldn't be a flower girl as she really is way too young. I've seen 4-year-olds go nuts at weddings because they're shy and don't want to walk down the aisle and they want their mommy or daddy.



As for whether or not your children are invited, I'd wait and see what your wife's cousin says. Surely she doesn't expect the two of you to leave your children off in some corner while the reception is going on!
Reply:Like the others have said, if the kids are in the wedding party they will more than likely be invited to the reception. It's quite poor taste to not invite them to the reception in this case. However, if you decide not to have them in the wedding party due to their age or what have you, she probably wouldn't invite them to the reception despite being family.
Reply:I'm gonna be a little on the blunt side.... If the kids are in the wedding party and they are not invited to the reception...THAT IS CRAP! Seriously, since the kids are part of the wedding they should definately be allowed to attend the reception!



*I hope things work out!*

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