Involving Family in Wedding Decisions?

How involved are people letting their families get in the wedding planning details? My wedding is this summer, and is being paid for partially by my parents, his parents, and us. We both know exactally what we want, and I find it weird that the parents are now mad at us that we didnt "bring home samples of invitation colours" or invite them to pick out flowers, invitations, decor, etc. Are people actually doing this??? I would never in a million years think that it would be appropriate to bring both sets of parents to choose invitations, it is supposed to be a "couple-y" thing! We have asked what they wanted written in the invitations, and talked to them about the menu for the reception when we booked the place, but I just don't see how they can expect to be involved in all the details, I mean after all, it is our wedding! I need help here, I can't believe that they are actually mad about this, and that they decided to wait until EVERYTHING was finished to tell us!

Involving Family in Wedding Decisions?
No matter what people say, unfortunately, weddings are not just about the bride and groom. It's partially about the family, too, and it kind of sucks.



All final decisions are yours and your fiance's. However, including those who are helping to pay for the wedding isn't a bad idea. It's a little weird that your parents wanted to see paper samples for the invitations, but at least now you know that they want to help in the details. I would just call them once a week and go over some thing you've done, and get their opinion, but make it clear that you're making the final decision because you only get married once. Once they give their opinion, just say "I'll think about everything" and then do what you want. When they ask why you didn't do it their way, simply say that you and your fiancee wanted it your way.



Usually parents just want to be involved. You have to remember, their kid is getting married. It's a big deal for them too, but as brides, we kind of lose sight of that. I find that when my mom is just involved with the planning, she's happy, and she just wants to do what will make me happy.
Reply:I'm having the same problem deciding how much I should include the family in the planning. If the families are paying they should probably have a say in prices and definitely the menu. Beyond that, it's your choice. I think you are right to choose flowers, invitations, decor, etc on your own as long as you stay in the budget. And honestly, when you start including a lot of people in the decision making process there is more chance that not everyone will agree. If anyone was feeling slighted because they weren't included enough, calmly tell them that you didn't want to bother them with time-consuming details since they've already been so generous. How can they argue with that? Good luck!
Reply:Whoever is contributing to the wedding will end up having some say in how things are going. He who pays the piper, calls the tune... is an old saying...

Even though we paid for our wedding ourselves, we involved family simply out of respect, and to maintain some traditions.
Reply:That is why we pay for it ourselves.

Also the mums are involved in the dress and suit and that is their involvement. Nothing else.

And this only as my mum has mentioned it in the past that this was a dear wish of her.
Reply:Once the wedding swings around, they will have so much fun that they will forget about the whole thing. Funny how parents think that because they are putting money in that they should have a say in things that the couple should be deciding. My dad and step mom picked the caterer and the menu, all I did was sample the food. It was really a great help for me, but if they are crossing your lines, you just have to let them know why you feel the way you do.
Reply:All the family that are helping should just write the check and show up. Its your day not theirs.
Reply:My mom is pretty rude, she could care less if I asked her an opinoin or not. My family all around could care less. My FH family, well his mom isnt paying for anything but the food and we let her pick what types of bbq foods she wanted, his dad could care less, his sister wants to steal allof our ideas for her wedding, his grandma gave us 1200.00 to put torward what ever we needed for the wedding and we paid the rest. If you have doubts on any family other than the ones paying dO NOT share anything with them unless they are highly trusted people if not your taking a chance at being backstabbed. Mayeb you could give your FH and your family things that they can specifically look for, for the wedding. This away they feel involved and that might stop complaining. Maybe one could do wedding favors, or welcome/treat bags for out of town guest, maybe one could pick the style of plates,napkins,cups you will be using. Just something smaller that they could really be involved in and will make them happy.
Reply:Yeah, I let my parents be involved and it blew up in my face. They quit helping and quit being nice.
Reply:They really should have said something to you before all was said %26amp; done, however, if they are footing some or all of the bill - YES you should be running things past them.



I'm so glad my fiance %26amp; I are paying for our wedding :) we don't have to tell anybody a darned thing!!!
Reply:well if someone else other then couple y are paying for things i am sorry then they should be involved in that aspect of what they are goin to pay for they might find at another store something the same or simmalar cheeper.. now i dont think it would be down to the gritty like colors or little things on the big day but as i said someone else is paying also for it . if you dont like being told or have somone else help out or look at invites well foot the entire bill yourself.
Reply:Lots of parents are like this, My fiance's parents and my parents are covering most of the wedding so of course we included them in the planing. I realized shortly after I was engaged that this is a big day for them too, they are proud and want to showcase this day just like you do. Plus, a second opinion is never bad to have.
Reply:My family is really easy to please. I took my mom to a few things and a few things we ordered online (we had a catalog to look at). Some things I asked people's opinions on but for the most part everyone knew that I was the boss.



My in-laws live half way across the country. My MIL would call with all sorts of suggestions. I would listen and for the most part just told her that I had to think about it. My taste is really different from hers so I didn't want to do a lot of things that she suggested. If she had lived closer, I am sure she would have wanted to have much more of a say in things and there would have been a lot of drama.
Reply:My parents are paying for the vast majority so I would feel bad not giving my mom a say (my dad couldn't care less). She wants to be involved and if she just forks over a check and I say to bad I get to pick it all that would be pretty ungrateful. It is your wedding but your parents are also paying and their childrens weddings are a big deal for them also. I doubt they are 'mad' but more upset that you didn't want their opinions as your parents traditionally would be considered the hosts of the wedding.
Reply:NO NO NO! I don't care how upset people get. My sister-in-law hasn't talked to us for a year because we didn't let her decorate. It's not worth it to make the wedding about other people just to please them and keep things peacable.



It's YOUR wedding, YOUR marriage, YOUR Love, YOUR DAY! Do what you want. Who cares if people get upset.



Celebrate YOU, and do what you always dreamed of. No one else needs to be included but you and your hubby-to-be.