Is it rude to exclude my fiances only neice from our wedding party?

My wedding is in a few weeks and I've been finalizing all the ceremony/reception details. My neice and nephew are my flower girl and ring bearer and that's about all we have for children in the wedding party. My fiances neice is 11 years old and we decided not to include her in the wedding party. It was more my fiances idea then mine. Anyhow, I feel like everytime I see my fiances neice she hints around being in the wedding party. I feel like her mom and grandmother do, too. They even bought her a dress in my wedding colors! So my question is: is it rude to exclude my fiances neice?

Is it rude to exclude my fiances only neice from our wedding party?
You know, how hard would it be to include her... even if it's just to hold the roses you're going to present to your mother and mother in law. She can hold the flowers, sit in the front, and then walk up to you and hand you the roses right before you give them away.





It's not much, but it would make the little girls day.





Good luck, and Congratulations!
Reply:If you really dont want her in the wedding, you dont have to have her. It is kind of rude how the mom and grandma are hinting and buying a dress, but at the same time you included your niece and nephew. Why did you fiance want to exclude her? Does she act horrible in public? If she cant act like a normal person in public, you might not want to have her in your party for that reason. If she is fine, You could make her a junior bridesmaid, but dont if you feel like you will have animosity towards her becuase she forced her way into the wedding.. Hope that helped
Reply:It's your choice to put her in teh wedding part or not but the family may feel slighted by the fact that you have your niece and nephew. They also may not realize that it was your fiances idea so may blame you for this.





You can always aske her to be the guest book girl, you know the person that stands at the guest book and asks people to sign...
Reply:Why don't you put her in your wedding party? Yes, it is rude because she is just a little girl, what did she ever do to you. Just give her a little job to do, it's common courtesy. She's his family. I don't know your race and customs, but if everyone else is in it and you can tell that she wants to be in it, just give her a little job, like carry this, bring these flowers, present this item, etc. That would be good.
Reply:If you are sure that he doesn't want her to be in it because HE doesn't want her to be in it, and not because he knows that YOU don't want her to be in it, I would say exclude her. But if you know in your heart that he wants her to be in it, then I would say include her.





Giving her something important to do at the reception might help.





I would watch out for the in-laws though, sounds like they are not willing to turn your fiance over just yet.
Reply:I think it is kinda rude when both your niece and nephew are in the wedding and his is not. Maybe you should have used your nephew and his niece. It just doesn't seem fair, the girl prolly feels like she isn't good enough or something. That doesn't make her a brat like the first poster says. It makes her a kid, they like attention and like to feel like they are a part of something.
Reply:Blah I hate when families expect you to put every single child in your wedding party. That is so annoying to me.





If it was your fiance's idea and there is no other thing she can do, then have your fiance explain to them why she cannot be part of the wedding party.





Maybe she can hold your train when you walk in? Or maybe she can be "in charge of" the guest book? I would find something silly for her to do.
Reply:she is just a kid - could you squeeze her in as a candle lighter? it wouldn't cost you any more money seeing as how she has her dress and it would soothe any potential ruffled feathers from mum and grandma. she would follow the flower girl and ring bearer down the aisle and carry the candle that you and your man will use to light your unity candle! its an easy solution sweetie but only if you are comfortable with it. if not then you just let the cards fall where they may when you don't include her.


good luck and happy wedding!
Reply:It's not rude, unless you were excluding her for some vindictive reason.





People get defensive when it comes to children but once you make an exception for one, then others are going to want to be included too. Sometimes it is the same with adults - people who feel they should be bridesmaids/groomsmen for whatever silly reason.
Reply:Kids are kids and they don't like being the one "left out". It is a little rude of Mom %26amp; Grandma to be hinting, but at the same time, maybe they are trying to gently nudge you to let the girl be part of the wedding.





I'm so glad my fiance %26amp; I said "NO KIDS" in the wedding party! It avoided an enormous wedding party and avoided hurt feelings by choosing one and not another.
Reply:She's too young to blame her for wanting to be included. It's a prime age for being interested in weddings. There are people in their 20's and 30's that hint around at being included, so much for learning etiquette as we get older! Is there a special job that she could do, such as greeting people and inviting them to sign the guest book? Or distributing the flowers when they arrive?
Reply:hi, no, it's not rude because your fiance requested that u don't have his only neice in the wedding party %26amp; i'm sure he has his reasons. so to answer your question my answer is no, it's not rude of you %26amp; if someone has the nerve to ask u why u didn't include her then tell them to talk with your fiance about it. it's your day so enjoy it %26amp; don't ever feel that u have been rude cuz u r not rude. congradulations! bb
Reply:I don't know about rude, but I would have included her.


She can be a Jr. Bride's maid..especially since she had a dress already.


Just an idea, but maybe she can walk with the flower girl and ring bearer?





If you would rather not have her in, maybe she can do something else to make her feel special. Maybe pass out the bubbles (or rice) after the ceremony?
Reply:awww if it would make her happy why not? you could let her be a flower girl too.. what a good way to get in good with his family too.I don't think it would hurt to let her be in it and it would make her day.. think about how she must feel I bet she has cried about it.. my daughter would. aww I feel so bad for her just let her do it.:) Remember that sometimes it is great to do things out of love for someone else. It makes the heart feel good and them:)
Reply:I wouldn't say it is rude to exclude her, but it would be much more kind to include her.





You could have her attend the guest book or hand out programs at the church. This would be a huge adventure for an 11 year old girl and doesn't put you out at all. Please give it another consideration.
Reply:You say that excluding your fiance's niece was more his idea than yours. Then, the next time she brings the subject up, tell her to talk to her uncle! The next time your fiance's sister brings the subject up, tell her to talk to her brother! The next time his mother brings the subject up, tell her to talk to her son!





If all else fails and he loses his resolve: invite your fiance's niece to be a bridesmaid.
Reply:you can have anyone you want in your wedding. But when it comes to wedding there are alot of emotions. I would have be jr brides maid, sounds like she alread has a dress. Make her and grandma happy. You are joining a family make her feel included someway.
Reply:Its your wedding but she is just being a kid and kids want to be included. How about letting pass out programs? Is that a possibility? It really isn't fair to include your side and not his. But again your wedding do what you want.





Good Luck
Reply:If you want to include her in the wedding so that she doesn't feel left out. If your doing a unity candle, have her light the two candles that represent each of you.
Reply:Its fine to exclude her. Now it seems she's being a brat about it and so is the mom %26amp; grandma. You have who you want in your wedding party. Hey - U can't please everyone. Its too late now anyway.
Reply:It's fine. But maybe she could hand out programs at the ceremony, or sit with someone else at the guest book at the reception site.
Reply:You don't have to include her at all.





Just don't be surprised 15 years down the road when YOU get totally ignored during HER wedding plans.........
Reply:yeah, if your niece and nephew are in it. Remember that when you get married your fiance's niece will be your niece too. Since she's 11 she could be a junior bridesmaid.
Reply:i would not call it rude but from an 11yr old girls point of view, her feelings are probably hurt. i would try to make her feel special somehow.....
Reply:I think you should try to find a way to put her in the wedding,there is always a place for extra in the wedding.Girls feel more bad about being left out then boys do.Your fiance is being a Man and not seeing that a young girl would love most then to be in a wedding and dressing up.She is seeing all her other women family members being in the wedding,she doesn't understand why she can't be a big part of this big day.Its your wedding there are no rules of how many people can be in the wedding,or i you really don't want her to be in there then just explain it to her.But if they are paying for the dress then you'r really are'nt loseing out on much.She is not being a brat,she is just a girl who wants to be a big part of an aveant.
Reply:You have to remember it is your wedding so you and your husband to be can decide to do what you want and the family should support that.


However just a suggestion that might help you and also make her feel included.


There are quite a few tasks that she could help with from very active to not very active in your wedding party. Here are some suggestions, I hope this helps.


1. If you are having some sort of ceremony program she can hand those out as your guests arrive.


2. Pick a favorite poem or verse and have her read it during the ceremony.


3. Have her man the guest book or whatever you chose to have people sign, give her pens and have her help to get everyone to sign.


4. Have her man the gift table. Assist guests in knowing where gifts go and making sure there is space for the gifts.


5. Have her hand out your wedding favors. Rather then placing them on the table have her go around during dinner time and hand the favors to each person with a thank you from you and your husband for coming.


These are some simple ways to make her feel special without directly being in the wedding party but still being able to help. At that age any task or form of being involved in such a special day is very exciting and something she will remember forever. But again remember that it is up to you. Good luck and Enjoy your special day!!!
Reply:Ugh, this is one of those times you're going to have to bite the bullet and put her in the party, if only to not stir up trouble on his family's side. She doesn't need to be an "official" part of the wedding party, and since she's already got a dress that will match your colors, you may as well put her to use. How about as Guestbook Attendant or Program Attendant or, if you're having favors that can easily be passed out to each guest individually, she can help with that (just as long as you don't have too many guests). If you're having programs, mention her name and whatever role you give her. That should appease everyone and make her feel included without messing up your plans.
Reply:It's not rude. If you don't want too many children in the wedding that is 100% your and your hubby-to-be's call to make. I think it's more rude that the mother and grandmother hint at it, and went to the point of buying a dress in your wedding colors. My brother got married last year and had his, now wife's, neice in their wedding but didn't include my son. I completely understood, they didn't want "an extra person" in the wedding.





Good Luck and Congrats.