Weighing my options here, how do i do this?

if you've read my previous question you know im in a bind.





Our luncheon buffet is 17.95 a person for 100 people


That would knock off 1795 i can knock off....I can get rid of the champagne toast for 1.50 a person so thats down 100 bucks.





I can't get rid of non alcoholic drinks it's 3.50 a person at for four hours.





The cake's been paid for so i can't cancel that.





We're using silk flowers


using hershey kisses as favors, we made our own invites..





no one in the family wants to video tape the wedding/reception because they want to watch it. so we hired a videographer.








Heres the question, on our RSVP it states "Join us for dancing, a luncheon buffet and a champagne toast"





We have people coming from out of town probably expecting to be fed. How do we tell people there may not be food?


We aren't allowed bringing in outside food and drink.





the whole venue adds up to 3434.00 thats the food, taxes, ceremony fee and non alcoholic drinks and champagne toast, taxes/tips

Weighing my options here, how do i do this?
Have family spread it around....I know my family spreads the word like lightening....lol!





Like I said--they're coming FOR you not the food!!
Reply:Don't cancel! It is only a few weeks away isn't it? If you cancle you will regret it and still have to pay a similar amount of money sometime in the future.


Having said that you will need to have some food there as it will be expected from the invitation.


Why not do cocktail food? You won't need as much of it as luncheon buffet so it will be cheaper and there will still be food there so the guests will be happy. I think they work it out to 8 pieces per person or so, which is enough to keep the hunger away and it usually about $5 - $8 per person depending on how gourmet you want them to be.


If the reception centre is doing a luncheon buffet they should be able to do cocktail platters up for you.


I say just go for the regular (generally fatty and more filling) selections like:


mini quiches http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/d... ,


sushi http://whatscookingamerica.net/Appetizer...


potato croquetteshttp://images.jupiterimages.com/common/d...


mini burgers http://elegantappetizers.com/catalog/ima...


Just lots of little things that are filling. You might even get away with less than 8 pieces, which would be cheaper again.





Or you can just do your cake, but some people will be a bit annoyed by this.





Also, get rid of the videotographer. The photographer is more important anyway so as long as you have the photos you should be fine.





Get rid of your DJ and do the ipod/ computer thing. Make a playlist and just let it go...





Are you having wedding cars? personally I don't think they are needed. No one cares or even sees them really so save some money there if you can.





Do yo have any things you can sell? ebay is good for a bit of extra cash.





How about you ask your fiances parents for just a little bit of help. Or maybe a small loan from a friend or two, then pay it off over the next few months...





Is there anything you can cut back on? Smoking, alcohol, buying lunch at work, going out? A few dollars here and there every week do add up.





Ok, this is going to sound really cheap, but do you have a registry? If not there are 2 things to do; No registry generally means the guests will give cash, or you can register at the place you got your honeymoon for the honeymoon (then the money you were going to use to pay for it goes on the wedding) or travellers cheques (which if they arn't used can be cashed out and put towards the wedding)





On a similar vein can you organise with the reception centre to pay it off gradually after the wedding?





And lastly, can you organise to pay a lower amount on your medical bills for a little while? The difference can go towards the wedding.
Reply:Cancel the videographer and the DJ. Set up a boombox or a mp3 player with a PA for the music. Meet with your vendor and try to negotiate a cheaper lunch option, maybe with appetizers or sandwich fixings only.
Reply:Okay, I've read both questions...this totally sucks! I am sorry for you!





This is what I would try to do in your situation -


Despite the fact that your dad will lose his deposit, I would cancel the venue. I would find someone you know with a backyard that is nice and use it for the wedding and reception. People can stand in a circle around you guys as you get married and if you have a few tables for people to set their drinks and food on, that will suffice. Have a few chairs for the older folk.


Do a buffet style food line that consists of foods that you can make or buy at Costco (we bought lasagnas and used them) with salad, etc. You can also buy champaigne for the toast and just serve pop, maybe beer if you can afford it, and tea %26amp; coffee.





Also, if you really want the venue - ask one of your friends to video tape the wedding for you, someone will do it, even though your family doesn't want to! And also have someone with a steady hand do the photography - make a list of pics they need to take of the families and you guys. It works out quite well, I've seen it done before and its what we did.


Find someone with a laptop and make a playlist in itunes and play the music that way. If you know someone with a karoke machine, you can hook it up to the computer and have a mic that way as well...then the best man can announce you at the reception and they can still do the toasting, etc.





When you finally make a decision, whatever it is....send out a little email and phone calls to everyone if the venue has changed..people will be fine with it.
Reply:You asked so don't be offended.





I haven't read your previous questions, but if the invitation stated there would be a buffet and champagne toast and there wasn't, I would think you sure are some tacky people. If it wasn't too late, I would take my wedding gift and leave.





You better believe that if you pull a stunt like that people are going to be talking badly about you for a long, long time and it won't just stay with the people who were there because of course they will tell their friends and relatives.





I think the whole thing would be shameful. To avoid that I would do whatever it would take to keep everything as it was originally planned.
Reply:I think that if you cant provide food for your guest you may want to postpone the wedding until you can do so. I don't think its fair to your guest to not have food.





Can they work anything out for finger food for your guest? You have to have something to eat since you told them, buffet.


You could change it to cake and punch..but many guest may be upset.
Reply:i read your previous question and must admit i am confused as to how much money we are actually looking for here, but if i were you i would be looking at the money for the food, nearly $2000, thats a lot of money that could be spent better and a saving made, ok, here is where you need to be creative and also delegate. everyone has a dish they are famous for making, rally your relatives thats practical to ask and make your own buffet. Everyone will rally round once they know and will probably be glad to be involved in saving the day, it would also be way cheaper to provide the drinks yourself too, champagne and soft drinks will work out cheaper if bought in bulk and most places you can return unopened bottles for a refund,


i hope this helps, like i said before, i am a bit confused
Reply:Oh honey, please stop all this canceling talk, the show must go on!! Where there is a will there will be a way!! Put your


heads together and think long and hard. Since yours will


be a early afternoon affair isn't there a cheaper option at venue that you can arrange? How about calling them personally and explaining your situation?? Don't make


any rash decisions, you have worked so hard!!


Good Luck


PS The 1st step would be to cancel videographer
Reply:I think you can reasonably cut out the dancing and champagne toast and no one will care. But I still think there should be a luncheon buffet as the invitation stated.


The photographer is much more important than a videographer IMO.


(I did not see your other post, so sorry if this answer doesnt fit your situation)


*Just read the other post. How much would it cost for the ceremony fee, venue, buffet, non-alcoholic drinks, cake, and photographer? These seem essential to me. Is there anything in your home you can part with, try to sell, to make up the difference?


Whatever happens, do not lose sight that you will be married at the end of the day.
Reply:Breath... one,... two ... threee.





I'm sorry to hear about this. Let's see what you can do.





-You both should have a tax credit check coming up from the feds. That's 300-600 a piece for you.





-Use your credit cards to the max





-Have a yard sale... next saturday and the following





-Cut off the champgane completly. Better food than liquour for your guests. Ask the venue of they can serve sparkling apple cider instead and save $$$$$





-Let the videographer keep the deposit and do without.





-Let the photographer keep the deposit and do without.





-Let the dj keep the deposit and play an ipod. The last 3 options will save you $2000








There is hope! Good luck!!! I hope that I helped.





BEST WISHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





EDIT: More ideas to gather some few dollars that may help: Bought something from walmart, target etc. and still have the receipt??? Go return them and get some money back. If you have unused items that you have just lying around, bring them back to the store, even clothes with tags still sattached they will take back. You will be surprised how much can you get back... that had save me when I was in a bind at one time.





Have any old jewelry that you don't use? Sell it or pawn it. Gold is at record prices now and there are many companies that will take old broken gold chains etc.





-If you are truly desperate, you can get a car-loan or a paycheck-loan. Those loans are tricky, so use them cautiosly. They will give you the money right away, but it will cost you. If you are a financially responsible person with an stable job, you can do this. I normally wouln't advice such thing, but you actually seem like a mature, responsible adult.





- Return bridesmaid gifts and favors if you can. I'm sure that you BM are aware of the situation and won't mind. You can get them somthing later when you can.





- Have you received already any wedding gifts? Return them to the store and get $$$.





-Can you ask your employer for advance pay? Some employers will loan you money and take it from your paycheck on a montly basis, sometimes interest free.





-Have a 401k? Cash it. (I know that this is bad, but is worse to cancel the whole wedding over 3k)





In a time like this, those options seem reasonable.





GOOD LUCK!





PS/ and to the heartless people, please refrain to be rude, if you can't help, then shut the f%26amp;%26amp;*%26amp;^* up!
Reply:I would return some shower gifts you got for the money (I believe you had 3 or 4 showers so you should have lots of gifts) I would have apple cider instead of champagne, I would do away with the luncheon buffet and go with the cheapest you can find, finger foods and appetizers. Check on cheaper non alcoholic drinks, ice tea, juice, coffee, and bottles of water are a few ideas. See if they can make a cheaper cake, maybe a smaller one and slice the pieces a little thinner so everyone gets a piece. I'm sure they have not made the cake yet unless they made it and froze it until the wedding. Check and see. See if you can get someone from the local college that does photography to do your wedding. The professor should know who does the best photography in his class. You should be able to hire a student for a lot less than a professional. Cancel the DJ and set up a boombox with a PA. I did read your last post and this is what I can come up with. You also will get money as gifts so that can be used to help pay the bills. Hope this helps.
Reply:Hi girl.





Oh my....I'm so sorry. I don't have an answer other than to offer support. (I read your other post too.)





Totally get rid of the videographer. That is something that you MAY watch once....then it will get thrown in a closet someday. No one drags out their video year later. I would totally get rid of that.





Get rid of the champagne toast. No one cares.





The only thing I can think of to do is to work with your venue. Is there a way to change the non-alcoholic drinks to simply purchase gallons of a certain drink instead of getting charged per person/per hour? I'm in a small town and that is how we do it. Most places will make up gallons of a drink and charge you by the gallon used. See if that is a possibility.





I don't know where your fiance's family sits financially.....but is it a possibility to borrow the rest of the money from your fiance's family?





I'm at a loss.....so sorry.
Reply:--I feel really bad about your situation and I hope things work out the best. Just try to stay positive and remember that the wedding is about you and your soon to be husband.





1. Talk to your father and tell him you have to change the venue (find it first, and quickly) because you don't have the rest of the money to pay for it. He may be upset, but tell him you have no other choice. Explain to him everything you wrote us. This would really cut some of the costs, or your dad may break down and pay for the whole thing.





2. I would look into renting out the city hall in your area (they are often very cheap, and some are nice--depending where you live), going to a local park and preferably one with a gazebo, or having it in someone's house/backyard. Hold the wedding and reception there. Getting someone to perform your wedding shouldn't cost too much, and I know in some states notary publics can marry you (just in case, they have sample wedding ceremony wording online). You would have to call the guests and inform them of the change, and give them directions to the new venue.





3. Like a few people mentioned, your guests would be upset if there's no food. As mentioned, you could go to Sam's club, Costco, and/or BJ's to get food for your reception. They have several platters that you could choose, they taste pretty good, and the price is good. Call the department that handles that and talk about everything. You could get your drinks from there, and you may also be able to buy some sparkling wine or champagne there and bring it to the new venue (make sure the venue allows alcoholic beverages). You could also do a traditional BBQ which should be cheaper, or serve various different appetizers (buying them from the above mentioned places).





3. Check on the price for wedding cakes at Sam's club, Costco, and/or BJ's (it should be cheaper). If you can get a refund on the cake you ordered, go with the cheaper cake.


If not, keep your cake plans.





4. Instead of a videographer, use the photographer instead because you can do more with the photos and even make a video from them. Or, just have the videographer tape the ceremony only.





5. If you have an ipod/mp3 player or know a few people that have them, you could hook it up and use it as your wedding reception music. You could also download songs for the ceremony part of the wedding.
Reply:OK...I just read your details and changed my whole answer...





I would get rid of the videographer, photographer, see what you can get back from the cakemaker, champagne toast before I would get rid of food.





You really don't want to cancel it...you'll lose too much.





Also, as bad as this sounds, don't forget you'll be getting cash from your guests...you can use that right after to pay for the bills and then slowly start purchasing things for your home...that's what the guests intentions were for.
Reply:a wedding with no food... never been to one like that... dont even know what to tell you...
Reply:Your RSVP states "Join us for dancing, a luncheon buffet and a champagne toast", but now there will just be dancing? That's nuts! Don't expect any gifts, but do expect extremely annoyed guests! You have people probably visiting from far away, bringing you gifts. You should at least feed them! It's ok to not have alcohol or toast, but give them food!!!!!!!
Reply:Perhaps check your apartment and see if you can rent the party room. Have the wedding there (so you don't have to reimburse for tuxes, dresses etc.) Or have it in a public park or at the courthouse.





Tell your dad you will pay him back when you can (maybe figure out an installment plan).





Does someone have a backyard you can use? I still have heard nothing about your fiance's family and whether they can pitch in or not...even if just means providing a backyard instead of money.





You didn't mention if you could find someone to do photography for you or if you could cancel the DJ.





Are you getting married in the church? Do they have an "event room" you can use where you can bring in your own food or beverage? It would be easy, as you could make an announcement at the ceremony, stating the venue had changed.
Reply:Yes, people will expect food. I understand that you're in a bind, but you can't cancel what's promised. They're sure to be hungry after traveling, the ceremony, and reception. My fiance' and I also have $5,000-$6,000 budget, but we're saving it ourselves. If our parents can help, all the better, but we're not expecting them to. Things happen, so it's better not to count on anyone else to take care of things this important.
Reply:People are going to expect food since the invites state "luncheon buffet". So I would ask you three things:





1 - can you downgrade to hors d'ourves to decrease cost? This will still count as food and not tick off your guests.





2 - can you call the venue and ask about payment plan options? Even if they charge you a modest interest rate, they may be willing to work with you *if* you and your fiance can come up with a bit of money every month to pay off the bill.





3 - do you have any family that can help you out (even if you have to pay them back) to meet your expenses as planned? Even if a whole bunch of them gave you $100, you could possibly get to $3-grand.





I definitely say scrap the videographer. Good pictures are important, the video can go since you are in a real bind.
Reply:OK, I've read the other post and I *think* I understand that your father has decided not to participate at all or is he still contributing the $3000?





Either way, I think I would start by talking to the bakery. Tell them you have a budget issue and would like to have sheet cakes instead of a traditional wedding cake. They should be willing to do this much and refund some of your money.





Next, I would find out how much your father has already deposited on the venue. I've placed a $1000.00 deposit with mine and almost changed venues because of some issues with them, so I was just going to have a fancy birthday party for my mother and her friends to use up my deposit. He may be able to have something else at the venue, but if he's only losing $500, then maybe that's not so bad... Then you can just move the whole thing to a park or someone's backyard. Call the close relatives first to get their advice on what to do.





Now (and keep your parents advised of this one), I would call everyone that is planning to attend and advise them that you've had a family emergency (don't be specific!), so the reception is only going to be cake, punch and munchies. Apologize for the change, but remember that most people will understand that *something* happened and may not press you for information. However, some may and depending on your relationship with them, I would just say there was a breakdown between your parents. The relatives will understand this most of the time and probably be rolling their eyes.





We had to cancel a wedding in my family the week before the ceremony, so all the relatives started calling each other to spread the word. However, the bride and groom suddenly reconciled and we had to call everybody once again on the Tuesday before the wedding! It was awful at the time, but we all laugh about it now....





Best wishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Edited to add:





Honey, if I were in your wedding and knew the story behind all of this stuff, I wouldn't accept the money for the dress. Call your bridesmaids and see if they have any ideas. They are your friends/family and they love you, seriously, they will want to help you.





On that note though, could the gowns be returned/exchanged and the tux rentals canceled? Our tux rental place only requires a $20 downpayment and then the balance is paid when the tuxes are picked up.
Reply:Ok I say cancel the videographer and set up disposable cameras and have people take pictures and cancel the photographer Trust me some of the best pictures Ive seen were out of the disposable ones.
Reply:WOW!!! I am so sorry! I wish I could help you, I really do! If I had the money, I'd send it to you...





In the last post you said the dress was $700... Is there a possibility you could return it and get something much cheaper? I'd get rid of the videographer and see if one of the local guests has a friend who is good at photography and would do it as a gift.





Is there someone you are really close to that you could ask for help? What about the groom's parents? Do you think that they could pitch in?





Don't cancel the food or anything you want. If you need to cancel something, I'd cancel the dj and videograper and burn a cd of your favorite songs and bring in a cd player.





Talk to your vendors, several of them may extend payments and you can pay them slowly.





If it's not too late, switch locations to a church, or even better a local park, and have Subway cater. Buy sodas and enjoy your day.





If your cake hasn't already been made, cancel the order and go to Walmart, they can do one for around $70.





Sell any items you don't use at home on e-bay. Have a yard sale. Have a bake sale!





I hope this all works out for you! Just don't cancel the food... You're going to be hungry after your wedding and you'll want to eat just as much, if not more, than the guests! (Don't you hate nerves!!??!!??)





Oh, and the lady that called your fiance a whale and you a cow, I would've taken my money and punched the ***** in the face. You've helped me on several of my questions and you seem like a really nice woman! Don't take crap from anyone.





I wish you the best of luck!
Reply:Well, I read your other question and your in a bad situation. I dont know that there is a way out.





First, where is your finaces parents in all of this.. will anyone co-sign on a loan for you guys?





Do you own a home or rent? Can you borrow against that?





Can you re-locate the wedding. I dont know where you live, but can you do an outdoor wedding some place with bbq?





You could try doing a search for lenders and loans for people with bad credit. You might find something.
Reply:I would cancel the videographer. I think people would rather have food than watch the video later. Of course that is sentimental for you, but you will have pictures. Less than half of people have videographers at their wedding.


If you don't want to do that, could you do a smaller food thing? Will the venue work with you on cutting down on food costs? I'm sure if you tell them you might have to cancel it all they would be willing to find places to cut down.
Reply:Yes, people will expect food. Other than calling all the guests that RSVP'd "yes," I'm not sure how you would let people know that you are now only having dancing, cake and nonalcoholic drinks following your ceremony.
Reply:You say you don't have credit cards but what about your father? Surely it's worth his while to put it on a card and have you pay him back than lose his deposit money - can you get him to see it that way?





I'm so sorry this happened to you. To me it sounds like something you can work out with relatives and I would be trying to hit it from that perspective. I think the onus should fall on your father because he was the one who committed for your mother and it sounds like it was without her approval (did I get that right?). It also sounds like he's mad at HER and taking this out on YOU.





You've got lots of good advice - personally I think making the relatives all bring a dish would work well and that would save you a big chunk off the bat. You could probably get away with sparkling apple cider as your "champagne" toast and people might wonder, but would probably figure you wanted it non-alcoholic.





Again, I'm sorry this happened. I know from your questions you have worked hard on this wedding to make it affordable yet fun for your guests. That's why I think you should work on the money angle rather than cancel all that hard work. Hang in there!





Ooh, one more thing: I recently planned a dinner for a community group I belong to, and we used Fresh Choice the restaurant chain to cater. It was for about 75 people. With (non-alcoholic) drinks it was only about $6 a person - you get big pans of pasta, salads, and bread - a perfect lunch. Think outside the wedding industry!
Reply:I don't know taht you can get out of it now. If people are expecting to be fed and you don't it might come off as rude.
Reply:I'm so sorry about your situation (and I hope you can ignore all the rude postings). Life is unpredictable, and most SANE people will understand that. I've been to a friend's wedding that was similar in situation; they pared down to a simple ceremony, followed by dessert-only reception. It was lovely and still made me cry.





A couple of ideas. Even if a cake has been paid for, if they haven't made it yet, are they willing to refund? If you reduce the hours of the videography (i.e. ceremony only) will it be cheaper? Scrap favors; even if cheap. Since you HAVE to serve non-alcoholic drinks, see if the reception place is willing to make a champagne-punch (much cheaper option). If it's just a dessert reception, see if you can negotiate shorter hours with the whole venue. Telling people in advance that there will be no lunch will be humbling, but much less rude than the surprise. And like I said, most SANE people understand that life throws curveballs.





Good luck!
Reply:Drop the meal %26amp; the dancing (D.J.), the video photographer , keep the champagne toast %26amp; cake...you should be getting enough in cash gifts to offset the difference....speak to the venue and see if any balance can be paid off in installments and if the time you use the hall can be shortened thus reducing the bill....and have a cake %26amp; champagne reception which is a very traditional thing in many regions of the USA....


....you still have your wedding list?...send all guests attending a note that due to an unexpected financial situation the reception will be a cake %26amp; champagne reception only...make sure the note has an apologetic tone to it..people worth their salt will understand and will make sure they come with full bellies..... and good luck.
Reply:If you put the buffet and toast on the RSVP you really can't cancel it. Honestly the only thing you can be rid of the videographer. You can have someone set up a video camera and then leave it stationary at the ceremony, it would be fun to have the reception taped but your hungry guests who were told to expect lunch probably won't stick around long to be taped.