Made a Mistake!?

Well, it's too late now. My stepson got married a year ago and only the bride's parents were on the invitations. At first I was bothered by that and so I researched it and found it was because they were the only ones paying for the wedding and reception. We were paying for half the rehearsal dinner, flowers, etc and my stepson's mom and stepfather paid the other half of that. So, now my stepdaughter is getting married. She does not have a relationship with her stepfather and now her mom and stepfather are not contributing to the wedding for that reason. Therefore, her father and I have been forced to double out budget for the wedding. We are fed up with years of selfishness on the part of the mom and stepdad and do not intend to set a precedence for our next daughter's wedding that we'll always foot the bill. Therefore, we intend for the invitations to only include our names. I made up an invitation and my stepdaughter was fine with the draft as she is upset with the way she's treated.

Made a Mistake!?
The invitations should indicate who is hosting the wedding. It sounds as though your stepdaughter's mother is trying to get the glory without the effort. ("Effort" does not necessarily equal "footing the bill" but it does help.) You mention that they have not contributed financially but my bet is that they have not stepped in timewise either. If they had at least sacrificed some afternoons to doing some of the legwork then perhaps I might be more willing to include them as co-hosts, but my instinct says that they haven't done so.



If your SD's mom says anything more, then simply tell them that the invitation usually lists who is hosting the wedding, and that they had seemed to be wholly uninterested in that role for quite some time, so your SD didn't realize that they had desired to be more involved. If your SD had wanted them to be listed as co-hosts it would have merely been as a courtesy in a figurehead position.
Reply:I understand your concern but I am sure you stepdaughter was well aware of the repercussions when she approved the wedding invitations. Her mother is just upset because now everyone will know that she is not the best mother and thats why she's not included, she made her bed so now she will have to sleep in it.
Reply:it's the daughter's wedding and she's okay with the invitations then you shouldn't worry about it. the mom should at least be happy she's getting invited in the first place! let your stepdaughter do what she wants in regards to her mother because you don't want her to get unnecessarily stressed out at her wedding.
Reply:it is a mistaken belief that the invitation 'tell's who is paying; that is ludricrous.....my husband and I paid for our daughter's wedding (his daughter by birth my daughter by marriage) and I was not mentioned, and it didn't bother me one bit; the invitation was from her parents, my husband and her mom....get over it!
Reply:Well if the mother cared she should have been there and at least offer to help with the wedding. And then she might could have had a say in what she wanted. But if you are not putting out any money then you have to accept things as they make the person happy that is footing the bills.
Reply:With all these issues they should have eloped..... Honestly, if names on an invitation and who is paying for what will cause all those problems ,and hurt feelings, then damn the bride and groom should have just had their names on the invitation....GEESH!
Reply:If your daughter is happy then let it go! You goal is to make this special and memorable for her. Ignore her mother! Your obviously doing a better job of being a mother, i'm sure she's thankful to have you in her life!
Reply:Weddings are a stressful time for most families, even more so when there are family issues to deal with as well. If the bride is OK with the invites I wouldn't be too concerned about any one elses reaction.
Reply:You didn't mess up, her mother did. You've proven to be a better woman, and I'm sure your stepdaughter loves you very much for that!
Reply:The invitations should reflect the 'host' of the wedding, which is usually the person or persons paying. I think you should let it go. If your stepdaughter does not have a relationship with her stepfather and because of this, her mother has taken a stand with her stepfather, then ultimately it was her mother's choice. In a sense, she was asking to be left off of the invitation and out of the wedding planning. You should plan accordingly for your next daughter's wedding, but be sure to spend equally. It is quite unfair if one daughter is having a $10,000 wedding, and then when the second daughter is ready to marry, you only have $500 to give her.



It sounds as if your stepdaughter is right to be upset with the way she's treated, particular if her mother cussed her out for not being on the invitation.



To make peace, she can let her mother know that she will be mentioned in the ceremony program.
Reply:I think you did nothing wrong. I could not pay for my daughters wedding I gave $1500.00 toward all purchases and bought her wedding dress and had her bridal shower. I did not wan her to get married in the first place but it was her choice and he seems to be a good guy but, there is something about him and I do not know what it is besides he drinks to much. I have not researched him and I still feel the same way. I'm usually a good judgment of character according to many professional and personal associates and friends. I'm really afraid of what I may find out because they are now expecting their first child. So that should be the least of your worries. Just pray they are marring a good person and they are going to make through the good and the bad. His ( my son n law ) family payed for most of everything and I wanted to thank them and he never gave me their addresses. Neither of the parents names where on the wedding invitation and my ex husband abandoned my daughter before she was born and I supported her alone working many hours and sometimes two jobs. I ended up disabled and I live on enough to live with my elderly parents. I can not afford a nice safe place to live. I can not buy a new car even though I need one. I pay my own way and buy my own life necessities. The only way I could afford to pay anything towards my daughters wedding I had taken care of a elderly lady until she went into a nursing home and I saved the money I made. So we can do without and give our children what they want, and I believe it is wrong to do so because they do not learn to live with what they need. You give until you can not give anymore and they are disrespectful because they expect it and are not grateful. Step children are to be treated as your own children. If they are finically set then they can pay for their own wedding and honor their parents by putting them on the invitations. That was disrespectful of them for not putting you and yours on the invitation . Shame on them !!!!!!!! Wedding are suppose to be a happy moment and when your funds are on a budget and you are pushed to take it for a dream wedding it is a shame children do not think of their parents living without. I feel you can only do so much and then you let it go and let them take it over. A lot of people live above their means to fit in with the high society, and then when they are old and have no money left just debt.
Reply:If your stepdaughter doesn't have a problem with it, then you shouldn't either. I understand it bothers you. I can guess you're probably the type of woman who likes to please everyone and really hates confrontation. But in this case, you were absolutely RIGHT. Etiquette says, the people who are financially throwing the wedding are the ones named on the invitation.....period. For instance, many couples are choosing to get married later in life now. On their invitations, they often just put THEIR names and don't even mention their parent's names because they are not the ones paying for it. Should those parents be upset too? No! Put this in the context of a birthday party instead of a wedding. If you think of it that way, I think it will change how you see things. If you threw a big blowout birthday party for one of your kids and YOU were the one hosting it, would you include her her mother's name? No. She would be a guest like everyone else. YOUR name (%26amp; your husband's) would only be on the invitation because it is being hosted by you. That's exactly the same idea with weddings.



If it makes you feel any better, feel free to call her mother %26amp; try to nicely explain that you certainly didn't mean to hurt her feelings. But I get the feeling that she's not the type of person who will is mature enough to listen to what you have to say. She also sounds like an incredibly SELFISH mother. When she chose to cuss out her daughter over this, she put her OWN ego and feelings ahead of her child. This is supposed to be the happiest time in her life and instead, her mother chose to put her own happiness above her daughter's. I get the feeling this isn't a first for her though. Don't feel so bad. YOu did the right thing and your stepdaughter should feel blessed to have you in her life.

Teeth Whitening