Is this proper?

My six year daughter is going to be in my neice's wedding. Everyone kind of just volunteered her to be the flower child without first asking me. Not that isn't bad enough,but her wedding is on a day that I have to work,and it's 1 1/2 away,too. I can't take off work as I'm on my first 90 days at this new job. My neice never bothered to even send a invitation to me either. When I asked my sister if I was invited,she said,"we figured you'd just show up." Ok,this makes me feel not welcome to begin with. Is it proper for me just not to go,or to show up at the reception? I love my neice,but we haven't been close in many years,and just don't feel the need/want to attend. My sister didn't attend my wedding and neither did any of her children either. Should I go,or bow out,or what?

Is this proper?
You could bow out if you like and you would not be wrong to do so. It is customary (and minimally polite) to ask a parent if their child can participate in a wedding, not just decide that the child is community property and make that decision on one's own. It is also rude to tell someone you expect them to show up at your wedding, but don't think it's worth the bother to send them an invite.

If you have to work and it is during your probationary period, you could be jeopardizing your job for a wedding you weren't even given a proper invitation to. If your family is such that they didn't go to your wedding, and are treating you as an afterthought with a convenience (child), then there is no real reason for you to go, or for your daughter to participate.
Reply:Forgive your sister and niece. Dress your daughter up nicely. Attend the wedding. Mend bridges. Make up with the family and become "sisters" once again. Family is precious. Don't throw it away.
Reply:Sounds to me like they are maybe trying to offer the olive branch, but they have not thought it through enough to make sure it's acceptable to you. Also, if your family is fairly casual about weddings and similar events, but you are not, they might just be taking your attendance for granted.



There's no reason you should go, especially if to do so might put your job at risk. And if you don't want your daughter to go without you, well their plans will have to be changed.



It's a pity she will miss this chance to share such a lovely day with her cousins, but if they had thought to ask you first, the problem could have been completely avoided.



Best wishes with yiour new job! :-)
Reply:it's not necessary for you to attend. let them know, though. as for your daughter, if you don't want her to be in it, tell them now when they still have time to find a new flower girl. otherwise, see if she can stay with your sister or mother or some other relative for the weekend.
Reply:you answered your own question, you where not formally invited, and no one volunteers a flower girl. it seems like a piece meal wedding to say the least, and i would not feel obligated to attend, turn down right away.
Reply:I wouldn't go. We have a relative like that. And speaking from experience, I would say that you shouldn't have to go, and your daughter shouldn't have to be the flower girl either if you don't want her to. I would just tell them no. I mean it's your life, you shouldn't feel pressure from them to do something you can't, when you have to work. I would just say no, you have to work and that's that.
Reply:They figured you'd just show up? Wow I'm sorry to hear your family is so rude and uncouth. Still, they are your family, so you could try to talk to your sister about why that was hurtful. I wouldn't tell them their behavior is why you're not going though, that would be overly dramatic. Just explain that you can't take off work. If your daughter has her heart set on being the flower child maybe another relative could take her. Otherwise if she doesn't really want to, just say no.
Reply:Do whatever you feel like doing. I don't think you are obligated.
Reply:It's not necessary to go. Tell them right away though about your job and about your discomfort. Give them plenty of time to find a new flower girl. If I were you I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Good luck!



nicole
Reply:You have to do what is best for you. If you are not able to attend because of your job. Do not go! It simply is not feasible for you to attend, you have the perfect excuse. If they do not understand oh well.... You employment is your livelihood that must come first. God bless****

motor scooter