What to do with his daughter?

My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married, and I'm sure he'll want his 6 year old daughter as our flower girl. She lives over an hour away and I'm not inviting her psychotic mother. In fact, we may hire security to keep her from crashing. Problem is, he doesn't have much family, so I don't know who we should ask to keep her during the day before the wedding, and take her after the reception. Her mother is unreliable, but I don't want to burden MY family with it and I'm certainly not schlepping her home (or even worse) keeping her on our wedding night!! Is it appropriate to ask one of his friends (who live in the same town as his daughter?)

What to do with his daughter?
Oh my-lanta... I can't even believe the bi+chiness... of these people answering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they want to talk about rude and cruel, they need to pick up a mirror!!!!





Anyway, to actually answer your question, instead of just being all holier-than-thou, I don't see a problem with asking a friend to keep her. I understand not wanting to ask your fam to drive her all the way home or keep her for the night, as they'll most likely be exhausted after the event and want to sleep in and veg the next day. (You may not want to ask anyone in the wedding party either for this same reason). But I think asking another friend would be ok, especially if they have kids too. (Or does she have any other family on her mom's side who would be more reliable to come get her?) Whoever you get to take her - just make sure they have the mom's address and phone numbers!! If she's as deadbeat as she sounds, she may just conveniently "not be around" just to try and ruin your wedding night and/or honeymoon!!





By the way, Congrats!!!!! : )
Reply:you marry the man (or the woman) and you marry their family.


If you think you can just skip out and only git the icing, but not the cake; then you are a fool.
Reply:Get more than one flower girl. If your soon-to-be step-daughter's mother doesn't let her come to the wedding, well, at least you will have a back-up.
Reply:Not sure if you know this but when you get married you cant use the word MY.Also his daughter will be his daughter forever you should really think about that before you get married after all do you really want to "schlep" this kid around and ruin YOUR weekends for the next 11 years?


Let him know how you feel about his child A.S.A.P. its only fair.
Reply:A 6 year old should not be considered a burden!Ask your family to hep out on your wedding night
Reply:I understand it's your day but she's about to be in your life and if you don't want that I would suggest rethinking this step. Otherwise, I don't think you should ask his friends it should be something that he takes care of because it is his daughter and his friends.
Reply:First of all I'm sorry that people are being so hostile to you about this. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume that you don't dislike the girl, you just dislike the idea of having to give anyone a ride home on your wedding night - well, that's fine. I don't think anyone should have to do that, it's your wedding night!!





I think that first of all it should be your fiance's final decision, because it is his daughter. But you have to think of it this way - having someone drive her home is just like having that person babysit her. It has to be someone very trusted. In fact, if you are worried about keeping her entertained during the party, you might just find out who her regular babysitter is and hire that person for the whole day. It will be worth the money to have her not be bored to tears during the reception - because it doesn't sound like she'll know all too many people.





I know that it can be at best an inconvenience when you are getting involved with someone who has kids but the more love and consideration you show her on your wedding day the happier you'll probably be in the future. Good luck!
Reply:sounds like you'd make a wonderful stepmother.
Reply:it is absolutley appropriate to ask one of his friends if the daughter is familar with them. His daughter has to be at that wedding, but under no circumstances should she be with the two of you on your wedding night. I know you said that he doesnt have much family, but Im sure he knows someone who can take his daughter for a couple of days.
Reply:Just Talk to the mother or write her a letter asking if you can invite your daughter without her coming. At least you can try and if something else happens call the police!
Reply:I think that would be the best way to resolve this problem. The friends know the daughter so they should be willing to help. Remind them that it is your wedding day and this would be one of the best things for them to help make it as stress free as possible.





Good luck!
Reply:My boyfriend's brother recently got married and his 10 year-old daughter stayed with us and her grandparents. It was no problem at all and so maybe that's an option. If she is familiar with one of your fiance's friends, then you can certainly ask them to take her for the night --- but only if the daughter is comfortable with them.





But if you can't find anyone to take her, you may have to suck it up and keep her with the two of you until she returns to her mother. While it wouldn't be preferable, she will be your stepdaughter and she's your fiance's daughter, so once you're married you'll have to become accustomed to sacrificing some things.
Reply:By all means, his daughter should be at the wedding. Being flower girl or not is not the issue but finding care for her that is. I guess if it were my wedding and I had same situation going on, I think I would postpone my wedding night to a few nights later or the following weekend as she sees everything and at that age will feel like she's important in yours as well, not just dad's. Remember she'll be your family too, and your daughter as well. I wish you luck on finding a solution.
Reply:yes.
Reply:be carefull you could become the next pshcotic wife and mother.and if she is sooooooooo bad why dosent he have the daughter.how dose he feel. you could all ways send her home in a cab.
Reply:I detect an immense level of hostility towards this innocent child. She's six years old; WTF is wrong with you, woman? Leave this poor child and her father; they don't need someone as hostile as you in their lives!
Reply:Ask your family and stop being such a b*tch, it's a 6 year old girl who is going to be your step daughter and you're worrying about the inconveniance of it all!!! I feel for her, sounds like she might have an evil step mother and what spell did you cast on your soon to be groom???!!!!


EDIT


so if you're not asking for people's opinions or judgements..., what are you asking for? To recieve answers that suit your needs?
Reply:Wow, people on here are cruel. I did not take you to be an "evil stepmom" from reading your question. I understand what you mean and it's good you're thinking that far ahead. Asking one of his friends is a good idea, especially if the little girl knows him and he's willing to take her home. If not, then ask your family. This little girl will soon be a part of your family anyway, so it shouldn't be a burden. It's these little details that most people don't think about ahead of time that can cause lots of stress at the last minute.
Reply:Well I think you are a nice and noble lady,you know even in Dictionary Friend comes before Relative and so in real life too,go and ask his friend he will definately help you.
Reply:Man people can be rude Huh?





It is never rude to ask a friend to help out that is what they are there for after all. The only thing I would say is make sure the friend is relaiable and has a high patience tolerance. Good luck with everything and Congratulations on your upcoming engagement!
Reply:You don't want to burden your family with "IT"??? Just for information sake, the "it" will be thier grandaughter the day you marry. Sometimes i just want to shake someone like you. Hope your fiance sees the real you very soon.
Reply:cancel the wedding. Your attitude toward the groom's daughter comes through loud and clear. Her very existence is a burden to you instead of a joy. You have no business becoming a step-mother when you would rather that the child was not a part of your life. Tell your fiance what you asked here, including the part about "schlepping" her home, and see if he still thinks you two ought to bet married.
Reply:Nice attitude! When you posted this question you opened yourself up to the possibility of getting some rude answers. We can only go by what you've written and I'm sorry to say you're not showing a very good side of yourself. You come across as selfish and cruel. To answer your question, it should be a member of your boyfriends family who takes care of the little girl but if it's going to be a hassle then don't include her. Think how she would feel about staying with strangers? I know that it's supposed to be your day but try and have a little compassion for your future stepdaughter. She's the only innocent one in this whole mess.
Reply:well, not much family is more then no family at all. and im not here to bash you, but i dont like how you said you dont want to burden your family. this little girl will be their family after the wedding. the is no reason one of them cant take her for the night, especially if someone in your family have children maybe close to her age. as for asking one of his friends, you could, but are they going home that same night or getting a room closer to the wedding? do you really want her riding home with someone who may have been drinking? keeping her on your wedding night wouldnt be a disaster either. you have your entire lives together. whats one night with his daughter?
Reply:your family will/should be her family so watching her should be a blessing and a great opportunity, not a burden. You and your family need to accept her and make her feel like part of the family.





This is NOT an attack and you want us to take your question at face value then take the criticism and advice you receive.
Reply:Its a hard decision you have to make here. Could the child be returned home the night of the wedding, once the wedding is over? I would ask one of his friends if the child knows the friend. You don't want the child to be uncomfortable staying with someone she doesn't know or never stayed with before.





Good luck with your decision.
Reply:The day of the wedding, u should have her with u and the rest of the bridesmaids, and as the night of the wedding goes, ask him what he wants to do, u don't need to have her on the wedding night, but what about having a family member on his side keep his daughter until the next day and then before u leave on the honeymoon give her a ride back to her house. Good Luck!
Reply:I would ask your fiancee if you can choose a different girl for that position. It sounds much too complicated and you don't need that stress for your wedding.
Reply:OH MY GOD YOUR AN EVIL STEP MOTHER IF I EVER SAW ONE I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION AND TRUST ME MY SON (MY HUSBANDS SON BY ANOTHER MARRIAGE) WAS IN THE WEDDING AND AND WENT HOME WITH MY MOTHER SHE WAS VERY HONORED TO KEEP HER NEW GRANDSON WHAT KIND OF FAMILY DO YOU HAVE AND HOW WHERE YOU RAISED AND IF YOUR MAN SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU THEN HE NO MORE BETTER THEN THE GIRLS MOTHER YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ARE A BORN LOSER AND A CONTROL FREAK AND LET ME TELL YOU SCHLEPPING WAS A HORRIBLE WAY TO PUT THINGS IT SHOWS YOUR TRUE FEELING SEE WHEN YOU WERE WRITING YOU DID NOT REALIZE THAT YOUR TRUE FEELING CAME THROUGH AND THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE IS PICKING UP ON SO DONT GET MAD AT THE ANSWER YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED YOUR TUDE BEFORE YOU GET NASTY BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU LIKE IT IS TRUTH HURTS AND IT JUST SLAPPED YOU IN THE FACE I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THE LITTLE GIRL WHO'S NEW STEP-MONSTER CONSIDERS SCHLEPPING HER AROUND AS AN APPROPRIATE WORD YOUR CHOICE IN WORDS ARE JUST UNACCEPTABLE
Reply:how can you be so insensitive as to treat the child of the man you are about to marry this way asking us for advise why not decided with him what he wants to do with your new daughter because after the day you will be her mother and if you plan on getting rid of her so easily after the wedding well i tell you run I do hope you all are planning to have a family that includes his child all the best
Reply:Your boyfriend is going to become part of the family. I do not see how it would be a burden on your family, to let this little girl spend a night or two, especially if they know the situation.


Just remember, your family is his family too, if you marry him. I understand you want everything to be perfect on the wedding day, but unless the girl is unable to sit still and is destructive, a family member probably wouldn't mind watchin' over her for a day.