Grooms family wants to pay for too much...?

My family can not afford, nor would I ask them, to pay for my wedding. My fiance and I are saving money and paying for everything ourselves.



However, his family, who I LOVE LOVE LOVE are of the traditional sorts, (they paid all 30,000 for my fiance's sister's wedding) and they want to pay for as much as they can.



I agreed to allow them to host the rehearsal dinner, out of comprimise, but not I'm hearing things about them planning to pay for things I'd rather handle myself, such as a bridesmaids luncheon and flowers for the reception decor.



I know they want to help, and I really love and appreciate them, but how do I tell them that we are grown ups now, and should pay for this ourselves?



Or should I just allow them to help? Am I being selfish in refusing their offers to contribute?

Grooms family wants to pay for too much...?
I agree with you. You are grownups making a decent living and you can pay for things yourselves. It's wonderful that you have a great relationship with them, but a funny thing happens when parents start paying for things...they think that entitles them to have a say in the decisions. They may have a good point, but this could become a slippery slope for you. Stick to your guns and say, "Thanks so much for your offer, it's so generous of you. But we've decided we really want to do this ourselves. Thank you so much for taking care of the rehearsal dinner, we're looking forward to it." Repeat as necessary.
Reply:Its great that you and your fiancee realize this is your wedding and your financial responsibility. I'm sure his family appreciates that. However, if you are comfortable with the level of involvement they want (decision making, etc) I would say accept the help and let them know how much you appreciate them!



They probably see this as being "fair" to their children. You and the soon-to-be-hubby can channel that cash into a house, investments, etc. Good luck!
Reply:Take the help with Gratitude!

you are blessed to have a fiance who has a family that wants to help
Reply:Is this their only son? Either way, they want to help, so work it out with them on a few things you will both feel comfortable with. Just sit down with you fiance and his parents and tell them that you would like to pay for the majority of the wedding yourselves, but if they want to help, what things were they interested in helping out with. Then just work the budget out.

Also make sure your fiance and you are in agreement about what you will accept from his parents. His parents might say to him, "We want to pay for the flower," and he says that's fine.
Reply:Let them pay! Save your money for your future with husband.
Reply:My situation was identical to yours (except my husband's an only child). We graciously accepted what they offered, but let them clearly know we were perfectly happy to pay for it all ourselves. We did end up paying for most things, but I really think they'd feel hurt if they couldn't contribute to their son's wedding day. They beleive it is their duty. I don't want to have that argument just to make a silly point.



My opinion is accept thier help graciously, and make sure they know it's is appreciated. It doesn't negate yoru status as an adult for his parents to want to show their support for yoru wedding and marriage.
Reply:let them help you
Reply:I don't know what to say.



In a philosophical sense, very few things in life are truly free.



I shudder to think what the price will be for you ultimately if you accept all offered by and coming from your fiance's kin.



Try to work out some kind of compromise I advise, making a joint decision with your fiance as to how certain specifics will or should be handled based upon your respective circumstances.



CONGRATS.
Reply:Accept their gift for the rehearsal dinner and for things for the reception. Be gracious.



You should be hosting the luncheon...not them.



Also, you don't need to tell your parents about it if you don't want to.
Reply:You are not being selfish at all by wanting to pay for it yourselves. However, if your future in laws are like my in laws then no amount of arguing to the contrary will help. If they want to help, and it probably makes them feel good to help, I wouldn't put up too much of a fight. Saying no once should suffice, and if they still want to give and help after that you should graciously accept anything they offer. There is no point in arguing over their help. If they didn't want to do it or couldn't afford to do it they wouldn't keep offering. Just say thank you and tell them how much you appreciate their help, any money you saved for your big day can be invested in a very nice thank you gift for them or your future home, or your future children's college funds.
Reply:If they want to help out and it's not a burden to them, I think you should let them!

Save your money for the Honeymoon!



What a Blessing to have In laws who are willing to bless you both with their financial help!
Reply:I think its great they offer their help to pay, they just want a nice wedding and im sure you want a nice wedding also and maybe cant afford it so its very nice...



Just make sure you and your groom have the final word in everything... I mean they are paying but its MAINLY your day not theirs... so make sure whatever they are paying for you have aproved and liked. Good luck!
Reply:let them help you guys no your'e not being selfish if it makes them happy let them pay it's great you get along with the in-laws

good luck

maybe don't pick the most expensive if that makes you feel better
Reply:Graciously accept the help. Their money in combination with yours can help you throw one heck of a party! I'm sure they're proud of you and their son and want to make your day as special as they can. They would be disappointed if you denied them the privilege of doing that.
Reply:My humble opinion, take the help where you can get it! Things add up so fast with weddings, any help you can get is VERY nice!



Maybe if you feel hesistant, sit down with them and just specify a set amount of money for them to give you. Then you can figure it into your budget, but they don't have to pay for everything.
Reply:I understand your feelings, I'd probably feel the same way. However, I have learnt that it is ok to accept people's generosity. They want to help because they love you and probably because they can afford to. I assume that since they paid 30 thousand for your sister in law's wedding they have the means necessary.

Talk to them and make clear arrangements on who is going to pay for what. Tell them exactly what you want to pay for yourself, and what you would like their help with. Make a compromise.

Helping you with your wedding would probably make them very happy. Allow them to do it.
Reply:I t sounds to me they just want to help you have a great wedding. I would talk to them about it and maybe let them help a little more.
Reply:I would allow them to pay for things as long as you get to plan the details. They want to give the gift, it is wrong to say no.



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Reply:The last thing you want to do is upset them. If they want to contribute, I would let them so as not to hurt their feelings. If you think you can go to them and explain that you appreciate their offer but you really want to pay for the wedding yourselves and it woldn't upset or hurt them then I would talk to them. Otherwise, smile and say thank you as my Mom used to say and just go on with planning the wedding.