Sunday, February 5, 2012

My husband's estranged son is getting married and his mother is hinting at us to help pay for it. Any advice?

They play games and manipulate my husband into thinking they care when all they want is money. That's the only time we hear from them. For example, they found out the reception would cost more, so they asked that our daughter be the flower girl (BS). It's driving us crazy but my husband doesn't want to ruffle feathers and they are counting on his guilt and "obilgated" feelings to get some money. They are uneducated rednecks who don't understand don't spend $7000 on a wedding if you are on food stamps. I want to support him and his desire for a continued relationship with his son, but I also want nothing to do with these stubborn and manipulating people and their sense of entitlement. What should I do?

My husband's estranged son is getting married and his mother is hinting at us to help pay for it. Any advice?
i hope you have separate finances. cause if you then good. make sure that YOUR personal fiances are covered. otherwise...tell them NO. family or not. just because they are family doesn't mean that they are trustworty. just because they are family doesnt' mean that they can treat you like dirt. just because they are family doesn't mean that they have to be friends. i would be the one to ruffle feathers if someone tried that on me. family or not. if you will not take that kind of treatment from a stranger then family should be no exception. if your huband will not grow some hair on his balls then you need to grow some of your own. just because you are married doesn't mean that you two have to be joined at the hip on everything. if you disagree then you disagree. agree to disagree so he can have his thoughts and you can have yours.
Reply:I guess it is hard but if he has some money then, i guess it is okay, because no matter what he is his son. If you get to angry with your husband he might tell you something to have to defend his position that he is his son. If i were you I would not put extra pressure on your husband he must feel like he is between a rock and a hard place. Just try to become him for a moment and you might understand that he feels he needs to contribute to his sons wedding. It is going to be hard and all but at the end your husband will love you for not making him jump hoops in order to help out his son. I am sorry that i didn't say to much of what you might have wanted me to say but i think that keeping peace between a husband and a wife is the key and that when hard times show up and one is there for one another that love just grows after the storm passes. I hope you can muster up all the strength to be there for your husband.
Reply:what would you do if it was your son acting this way ? you would want to do what you could. i would help to pay half of the reception fee. ask to see the bill. then i would go and put on a happy face. this is after all his child and you cant change that. see if theres anything they need help to set up at the wedding and be the step mom you should be. its only for one day and your husband will respect you for stepping in and keeping your mouth shut.
Reply:Let your husband make the decision.
Reply:That responsibility goes to the Bride's parent's all you do is pay for flowers and make a "contribution" to the reception . Whether they are on food stamps or not enough is enough.


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