I am supposed to be getting married in July, but we are fighting really bad...?

Our wedding date is set for July 7th. All of our invitations are sent out, my dress is here, the flowers and the cake have been ordered, the church and reception hall reserved. Everything is ready. We got in a fight the other night, a BIG one.. He now wants to break it off. He has a temper as it is, and I had learned to deal with it and kind of brush it off, but I don't know what to do! I love him more than anything in the world, and I always will. But what do I do to get him to think about this before he goes and does something we will both regret????

I am supposed to be getting married in July, but we are fighting really bad...?
It's never too late to cancel a wedding. Sure you may not be able to get some of your money back on deposits you have made, and you'll be stuck with dresses you might never use, but better to have all that than be married to a man who doesn't really want to be married. A big part of marriage is communication and if he's not willing to talk to you and work things out, and if one fight is enough to make him want to call things off, perhaps he's just not ready to commit. You need to make sure he's ready and really wants this before you try to make him come back to you. And don't just brush off his bad temper. It could become dangeorus if it gets bad enough. I would be afraid to marry someone with a bad temper. Thats something he definatly should work on before getting married.
Reply:I think you should go through pre-marital counseling with a minister. Soon!!!!
Reply:Try pre-marriage counseling and offer it before you two call it quits.



You knew before he had a temper, so, going into marriage with one = a divorce later down the road, (respectfully but realistically said).



Even if you got all that done, it is best to try and if not, best to call it quits if he is not willing to work it out.



He might need some breathing room and said that just because he was upset at that moment. He might think different now.



That big kicker is what exactly where you two fighting about that was so big, to make him not want to at that time. That is the big question.....
Reply:Same thing happened to me: he broke it off.



I was completely devastated at the time... and felt embarrassed until I realized that this kind of thing happens all the time.



And, looking back, it was absolutely the best thing that ever could have happened.



If he will go to a therapist with you, try that.



But, I urge you to look at this carefully. You don't want to have to convince someone to marry you !!



Remember you are the prize.
Reply:So what if everthing is ready, everything is ready apart from the two people who are getting married. Do you want a wedding or a marriage that works? Because if you want a marriage that works then forget about the stupid wedding which only goes for one day, alot of people will probably stoked that they can go out that day instead of some pathetic show pony wedding
Reply:It sounds like you are more worried about all the plans you have made. Maybe you should let him do whatever it is he is going to do. Maybe you will regret marrying him. I was in a 5 year relationship and was 1 month away from moving to another state. I had a home loan and everything... I am so happy we had a huge disagreement that made it easy to walk away... You can not change anyone sweetie. I learned that bad habits only get worse. I know it seems hard to imagine now.. but maybe you are better off walking away. Brushing off a temper can only lead to things getting worse... Try to convince him to go to counseling. If that doesn't work, you should re consider.
Reply:Well, you can't make him do anything. If he's determined to break it off, then that's probably what's going to happen.



However, my husband of 19 years and I had a MASSIVE fight, about 2 or 3 months before we got married, over something pretty stupid. We both have tempers as well--and things quickly blew out of proportion. I wound up giving him back the ring and everything. After a couple of days, we got back together, and realized we were both acting like children.



It's very easy to get all stressed out during the whole wedding planning thing, and take things way beyond where they should be taken. Let him cool down, and then talk. Decide if what happened was just a fight, or if it's a symptom of something wrong in the relationship. If it's something in the relationship, wouldn't you much rather find out now, than after you've married him? Granted, breaking up an engagement is tough, but getting a divorce is much harder. I'm sure it was nothing more than a fight that got out of hand though. Get a decent nights sleep--maybe more than 1, and things almost always look better in the morning. Best of luck to you!
Reply:I have a friend going through the same thing. She broke it off with the guy because of his temper and she was supposed to be getting married in June. She has the dress and the bridesmaid dresses ordered. The fact of the matter is, divorce can be pretty expensive in itself. The best thing to do if he is saying the wedding is off now is to probably take that as a sign that maybe he is not ready to committ. Also, never brush off a temper. That is what my friend was doing and come to find out she had been verbally abused this whole time and was about to enter in to a situation that could have been a lot more dangerous for her.
Reply:Once he cools down, have a long talk about both of your wants and needs. You still have a few months before the wedding, so try to remember not to make any sudden decisions (and remind him of that, too.) :)
Reply:If you are thinking this marriage isn't going to work, call it off now. If you think you can work through these issues, wait and try and talk through the issues.
Reply:Just remember how much stress planning and paying for a wedding is. Without proper communication, things can go really bad. If you're not open with how you guys feel it will cause a lot of tension. However, it's not okay for him to use the wedding or marriage as a way to scare you or make you do what he wants. Even if he says is because he's mad doesn't make it right or okay. If he says hurtful things in the heat of the moment he might need to look at whats wrong with him....not you as a couple! Good luck
Reply:i don't know waybe you guys being apart will make him realize what he had... just be real sure before you tie the knot this is what you want... because arguing is not good in any relationship ecspecially when there are kids involved.. so take some time apart and see what happens!!



and if you guys were really meant to be you guys will be getting married July 7th!!



Congrats..on the wedding and Good Luck!!
Reply:Make sure you are ready the last thing you want is a marriage full of problems.Think about times you were together before the engagement was it difficult then?Or is everything just happening because of July 7 and sometimes getting close to a wedding date can bring slight problems due to the person being nervous and knowing that when you get married you will or suppose to spend the rest of your entire life with this person.So the both of you need to make sure you are ready to settle whatever differences you have with one another before that time. Don't put yourself in a stressful situation.
Reply:If he has a really bad temper, maybe you should break it off.



Ask yourself if its the marriage that you want, or the pretty wedding day? If it's the wedding, then you may be with the wrong guy.
Reply:dont get hung up on the "things" for the wedding. after the ceromony u still will have his temper. take a moment regarding his behavious. i am sure u are not telling it all and that is fine. but u have to be true to yourself this is the rest of your life and eventually a family. tempers are very dangerous and they may start small but eventually the vocano will blow and do u want innocents to suffer bcecause u already bought a dress? i am getting married also 07/07 and we fight all the time now. yesterdays was about whos turn was to fill up the cars :) but not once has anyone yelled call it off! nerves before the wedding is one thing if there is something deeper u need to pay attention now before further down the road u are in something u may regret. good luck
Reply:so you want to get married, then find out he has an abusive nature? go right ahead....why would you "brush off" a temper? are you just waiting until you marry him and he hits you? or worse? get counseling before anything more happens...
Reply:I would let him cool down before trying to talk him out of it. Chances are he's just saying that out of the "heat of the moment". Give him a couple of days and then try to talk to him about it.
Reply:push back the date. say you meant sept 7th or even july 7th of 08
Reply:It is best to decide this before you get married than to end up with kids in the future and a divorce. I know that love hurts and is blind but if your not sure and your having second thoughts before getting married you should decide now before its to late or something serious happens such as abuse later on if he has that bad of a temper. Don't brush it off the warning signs are right in front of you. Maybe you should seperate and see if you guys really want this or if you are just getting married because everything is already in order and you don't want to disappoint anyone. But they would rather see you figure things out now than getting divorced and fighting in front of your kids in the future. I wish you the best %26amp; hope this helps.
Reply:First things first, if there are problems before the wedding even takes place, don't get married. I know couples now that fight to the death almost cuz they got married thinking they knew each other. I'm not saying relationships are supposed to be easy, but, it could also be he is looking for a reason to stop the wedding anyway. Maybe this is for the best. Whatever you do, go with your gut, if you feel like something is telling you not to do it or something ain't right, then it is. You don't want to get married, force yourselves to stay together and waste precious moments fighting. Find out if the fight can easily be forgotten, if not, then move on. Good Luck
Reply:That does not sound like a healthy relationship. Please be careful if you follow through.
Reply:Sounds like you're already married.

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