Bridesmaids and maids of honor pay for their own dresses.....right?

My wedding is in a couple more months and I have two bridesmaids and a maid of honor. I guess its my fault for assuming people just know that when they are part of a wedding, they know they need to pay for their own dresses. Well now I have a maid of honor who is surprised and upset that she has to pay for her own dress and now I feel horrible and I'm afraid she won't want to go through with being in the wedding at all. Plus her daughter is going to be the flower girl and I didn't know I was supposed to pay for her dress too because she asked me how much I want to spend on her dress. Since I guess its my responsibility to pay for her daughter's dress to be my flower girl, I told her I will pay for it. But the maid of honor needs to pay for her own dress....my fiance and I are paying for our whole wedding and reception and the rehearsal dinner ourselves so we have enough to pay for. Any thoughts?

Bridesmaids and maids of honor pay for their own dresses.....right?
Dear Sweetie Pie. If I were to expect anyone to wear a certain dress because it is part of my wedding design, then I would pay for their dress. If I invite someone to be maid of honor and say, "wear whatever you like" and perhaps say, pastel colors or tea length or floor length dresses, then I would assume they would pay for their own dress. But, if I expected someone to wear one of these dresses that are obviously a "wear once" dress and "you would never dream of wearing it again because it is soooo girly" then I would pay for it. But, that is just little ole me.
Reply:Yes they pay for their own expenses
Reply:When planning my wedding this what I was told-


When you rent the dresses, the bride pays for the rental.


When literally buying the dresses, each woman pays for her own. (Unless, you want to be nice and help.)
Reply:Yes, bridesmaids and maids-of-honor traditionally pay for their own dresses. If you have the means and the inclination, it is a sweet gesture for you to buy the flower girl's dress but your friend should not expect you to foot the bill. If you are concerned about the finances of your girls, pick inexpensive dresses, like ones from David's bridal.
Reply:Well, I don't totally agree with you about who pays. I would hate to be asked to be in a wedding and then stuck with paying tons of money for crap that's useless to me. I don't see anything WRONG with having them pay - as long as they understand that from the beginning. But it's not ALWAYS up to them to pay for it so it's kinda your fault for assuming. I'm pretty sure etiquette actually is that the bride pays for it. Talk with them about the situation and maybe you can come to a compromise, each pays half?
Reply:All my bridesmaids, my maids of honor and flower girl all paid for theirs dresses. No complaints. It is also tradition too.





Explain to your maidofhonor, that you simply can't afford to pay for her dress and you are helping by paying her for daughter's dress...which is very nice of you.





If you are not to set on a certain dress for you, maybe you can let her pick out her own dress, something for affordable?
Reply:All the weddings I've been in i have always paid for my dress. One of my bridesmaids thought i was gonna pay for her dress but i had to set her straight, she who wears the dress pays for the dress unless the bride offers to pay for it. but you the bride does not have to pay for your own dress.
Reply:this should have


come up in conversations before now!





sounds like you have to pay for flower girl


tell mom she has to cough up $ for her dress


Good LUck
Reply:I thought it was pretty common that the bridesmaids, maid of honor, etc. pay for their own dresses, accessories, etc. It's one of the decisions they need to consider before accepting!


It is really generous of you to pay for the flower girl's dress. My bridesmaids and maid of honors bought their own dresses. I was really lenient. I gave them a choice of 3 colors and let them pick the style. I wanted them to be able to wear the dress again. I paid for their flowers. I got them all a gift.


They could have said no.





edit again: I'm really surprised at some of the answers here. I do know that some brides choose to pay for the gowns but it's usually because they can afford to. Again, she could have declined if it was going to be too costly. It's an honor to be a bridesmaid.





edit: When I was planning my wedding, I started looking at things like this to make sure I had it right. When I asked friends to be MOH and bridesmaids, I did ask for them to think about it and not to feel bad if they had to say no for whatever reason. If I could have paid for everyone's dresses then I would have but I couldn't. My MOH and bridesmaid seem to really like the dresses they selected because it was in their budget and they can wear them again. Even though I had 3 colors, the shades didn't matter. (blue, dark blue, lavendar) I paid for my own hair.





edit: Whatever to the thumbs down. You should talk with your MOH (assuming you are close) and find out what is going on.


Maybe a compromise? As a bride I didn't expect any gifts. That's not why I was getting married and that's not why I invited people. I registered reluctantly and with all price points. It seems like a mistake on both of your parts to be fair. But she shouldn't have assumed that. It's why it is better to just ask, especially if it is a problem.
Reply:I was watching something similar to this on the style channel. I believe if you want your bridesmaids to have some sort of uniformity, then you should pay. But if you suggest that the bridesmaids pay for their own gowns, then you shouldn't have any say on the style they choose. I would tell her the color you had in mind, but style wise should be up to her. Compromising and buy the flower girl dress is a good decision.
Reply:I've been in several weddings as a bridesmaid and have seen it both ways, however, I am always annoyed when I have to cough of the money for my own dress that I will never wear again! I paid for my bridesmaid's dresses because I feel it is rude to ask somebody to be in your wedding and then ask them to spend $100+ on something they will get absolutely no use out of ever again! You are asking them to honor you by standing beside you on your special day, but then you also want them to spend a lot of money on you! They've probably spent money throwing you a shower, buying a gift for you, ect, as well as a lot of time. I just think it is considerate for the bride to buy the dresses.
Reply:They pay for dresses, acsseries and for alterations. That is pretty common knowledge...I'm surpirsed they didn't know...
Reply:You're in the right...bridesmaids generally pay for their own dresses. However, since your MOH was not aware of this, you should give her the chance to back out. I would point her to a bridal magazine or perhaps this Answers page to show that you're not just tyring to be cheap, it really is the norm. You could also try to choose a more affordable dress if that is the problem. Perhaps you can discuss what budget she would feel comfortable with.





A lot of other people are saying she "should have known" but honestly, until I planned my own wedding %26amp; read a lot of bridal magazines, I had no clue what the expectations were. So keep that in mind. If she's older, it may have been different back then. Also, in some cultures it is different.





As for the flower girl, I think it would be nice if you did pay for that. I'm not sure it's "required" but since obviously a little girl can't pay for it, it would be nice if you did instead of putting it on her parents.
Reply:I've always heard that moh %26amp; bridesmaids pay for their own dresses %26amp; the flower girls parents pay for her dress. The only dress you should be buying is your own.
Reply:I think your MOH is being selfish....she is supposed to pay for her own dress..and her daughters dress...only if you've got an ish load of money are you to pay for their dresses....its rude and completly absurd for her to be upset about that.....her having to pay for her dress shouldnt be a deciding factor on whether or not to be in your wedding..she should want to be and understand the responsibliltys that come with it...so when she give you your bridal shower and bachelorette party...does she expect you to pay for that as well??
Reply:I have never known any bride who has paid for the bridemaid's or MOH dress - however the flower girl is another story (but then again that might be because in my family it is usually a niece rather than friend). being in a wedding party is expensive, which is why I would never do it for anyone other than my best friend of 20 years - and never considered asking anyone other than her to do the same for reason.


Perhaps you could say that her being in your wedding party and paying for her own dress is her gift to you and therefore you do not expect a present
Reply:Your maid of honor should not be surprised or upset about this at all! It was very nice of you to offer to pay for the little girl's dress, but it was not your responsibility.





The bridal party is supposed to pay for their own dresses and tuxedos. It's part of the commitment of being in a bridal party. That includes your flower girl's mom paying for her dress, not you. Unfortunately, you have already told her you would pay for the girl's dress, so you must stand by your promise.





I would sit down and talk to your maid of honor. Make sure she understands that it is her responsibility to pay for her dress (and shoes or whatever else). Let her know that you will honor your word to pay for her daughter's dress, but you cannot afford to pay for hers as well. After that, ask her if she is still willing to make this commitment.





Good luck!
Reply:I'm suprised she didn't know she was supposed to pay for her dress, but somehow knew you were supposed to pay for her daughters dress.


It's unfortunate that she's upset, but she really should have known (and I suspect probably already did know) as most of us do.
Reply:First its the maid of honors responsibity to pay for her own dress AND her daughters dress. The maid of honor is also in charge of paying for Your hair the day of the wedding and also she is supposed to plan and pay for most of the bacherolette party! so dont ffeel bad at all go online and print her off some maid of honor sheets saying what she is supposed to do. good luck
Reply:I think you should pay for their dresses.. (my fiance and i are paying for our party's attire)





I mean your asking them to be a part of your day.. the least you can do is buy what you want them to wear.. yah know?
Reply:Typically yes... It's a little awkward sometimes. I am getting married to a Vietnamese guy, and his sisters are in my wedding party. In that culture, typically the bride pays for the dress, but in American culture, the bridesmaids do. We decided that we will pay half for everyone's dress, but I'm still not quite sure how to tell them.
Reply:Bridesmaid and maids of honor typically pay for their own dresses. Flower girls' dresses are paid for by their parents - not the bride and groom.





This is an important lesson for all couples planning a wedding - make sure your attendants know what's expected of them!! And this includes who pays for what.





All you can do is apologize to your MOH for the confusion and hope that she will realize you are not being unfair and that it is her responsibility to pay for the dresses.
Reply:of course they pay for the dress, they should know that
Reply:They are supposed to pay for their own dress and they should have known that...and if they couldnt do it they shouldnt have accepted. Weddings are so expensive and you have enough to pay for without adding on more. Flowergirl I think is paid for by her as well, but I'm not sure as I'm not having one
Reply:All attendants pay for their own attire and makeup, etc unless the bride offers to pay. The parents of the flowergirl pay for her dress, unless the bride offers to do so. Traditionally that's how it's done but it's also understandable that most people wouldn't know that if they had never been in that position before.
Reply:In the majority of the US and parts of Canada it is traditional that the bridesmaids pay for their own gowns. In other places, particularly the UK, the tradition is that the bride pays for all the bridesmaid gowns. Assuming that you live in the US (based on your spelling), then your maid of honor should have known that she was responsible for her dress. Don't feel badly about this, it's a misunderstanding.





However, allow your friend the courtesy of backing out of your wedding if she can't afford a dress. There is no shame is saying your budget doesn't allow you to participate. It's not a personal attack on you, it simply means she has other expenses that don't permit her to participate.





Best wishes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:i'm amazed that they didn't know this. everybody knows that bridesmaids and maid of honors pay for their own dresses. My maid of honor's daughter is going to be my flower girl and i told her i would pay for half of her dress because her dress is the same as mine and it cost $175 which i know it's alot plus her dress and she told me no that she would pay for the flower girl dress because she knows we are paying for this wedding by ourselves. My advice to you is maybe try to help her with the dress. I'm doing that also with one of my bridesmaids. I'm going to pay something of the dress because it's a little too expensive for her.