Are smaller and more casual weddings really that common?

I have been a bridesmaid 8 times and been to over 20 weddings. I grew up in a middle-class neighborhood in the north east and none of my friends were wealthy by any means. Every wedding I have ever been to has been almost identical. 150-300 people, big church, hotel ballroom or golf club reception with your choice of filet mignon or stuffed chicken, DJ or band, fancy flowers, elaborate centerpieces and really nice favors. Every wedding is the exact same!! No surprises. I have never been to a wedding on the beach, catering hall, backyard, outside or somewhere casual. I had no idea weddings like this were that common until I started visiting this site. Is this common? Do others in the northeast share my observation?

Are smaller and more casual weddings really that common?
I'm from the Northeast, too, and the weddings you describe are certainly common around here. However, I think a trend has begun to be a little more unique. Let's face it, the same old wedding over and over and over is unbelievably boring.



My wedding will have about 100 people, small church, reception at a small local vineyard, stuffed chicken or seafood casserole, minimal flowers, decorated glass lanterns as centerpieces, and simple NH maple syrup jug favors. It's got some of the traditional stuff, but with our own personal twists.



I think people are realizing that expensive golf club reception weddings are silly, and lots of us are going less-expensive routes. The money I'm saving has allowed my fiance and I to buy a home. People are becoming more practical, and I'm all for it!
Reply:lol I got married on th beach in Pebble Beach, CA. There was a total of ten of us. No bridemaids or groomsmen.



Most weddings I have gone to are in a church and then a big hall type place or hotel. 150-300 people. Same thing each time.



My only wedding is memorable due to who was there and where it was at. Cant beat the pics I got from having beautiful waves, sand and rocks in the background.
Reply:My wedding was for immediate family only - around 20 people total. I found the all inclusive place on the internet. No headache or hussle and bussle. All we had to do was show up! That is what I recommed.....5 years later, who really remembers your wedding besides you?
Reply:I've had similar experiences to you, and am in Western Canada. However, I was to one backyard wedding, a second wedding where the bride was pregnant.

Other than that one, smallest wedding I was at was 100 guests, and that seemed strange, most are at least 200 to 300. I guess we just all know big families! Not all the weddings have been the 'same', most have been lovely buffets, ceremonies have been individualized and wonderfully beautiful, but all on the more formal side.
Reply:Im in California and out here that is more the rule now. I perform weddings for a living and I am fortunate enough to have performed many weddings at beaches, peoples back yards, parks, etc. The intimacy of the casual wedding is amazing and it saves the participants a lot of money in the meantime.
Reply:Every wedding I've been too (about10) has been pretty small and casual. Probably the biggest I've been too was my cousins and there were probably about 100 people there. The reception was outside in a tent and a local chinese place catered. So it was like a chinese buffet.



All the other receptions were either held at the family church in the basement or at the family center which has a large room. The guests were asked to bring in a dish.



The weddings themselves were again either at the church or outside in the local park at the gazebo.



Pretty boring-ish lol. People think it's weird when I mention that family was asked to bring a dish to the reception. That's like completely unheard of to some folks. But in our family it's the norm.
Reply:Most of the weddings I've been to are described exactly as you did. That's why I'm having a wedding outside in a garden on a plantation. Not casual, but a nice springtime outdoor wedding and reception. I wanted something different.
Reply:I'm in Southern Ontario, Canada. Most of the weddings I have been to have also been fairly large and held in a church with a reception afterwards. But I take into consideration that both me and my fiance have very large families (losts of cousins and aunts and uncles), so of course there is bound to be a lot of people at the weddings we attend.



We did attended a wedding last weekend that was actually held on beach. It was quite lovely. And few years ago we also went to a wedding that was held in a garden.
Reply:both mine were 10 ppl or less
Reply:My wedding was at a church in VA. The reception was at the grooms parents home in the backyard. We got a large tent and tables and chairs, had it catered by the best BBQ place ever. We had 150+ people, it was a beautiful day, they had lots of land so no one was cramped under the tent.

I went to my friends wedding and it was at a pavillion by a lake with 120+ people. But neither of us had estravagant wedding stuff. I think that having a big wedding matter more to some people then it does others. Mine was more about me and my hubby getting married and spending the rest of our lives together. We did not care what people thought about the presentation. We are laid back family and wanted a laid back wedding. My brother in law is getting ready to get married and they are going all out. But then again they are the type that love to spend money on unnecessary things.
Reply:Coming from an Italian family, and living in NY, I can say that most of the weddings I attended were pretty big, like what you described. I think the families will charge it just to have that 'traditional' big wedding. God Bless them if they can do that. I have been married twice, and both times I did small gatherings. I have just remarried not long ago, and we had a 25 person luncheon in the backyard of my mother's house. And everyone agreed that a small and personal wedding and reception was just as much fun as the big ones.
Reply:Unless you have wealthy folks or have saved your own money, then who can really afford the big ones? Believe me, there are more poor folks than rich ones, so figure it out!
Reply:i think it depends on the age of the couple getting married sometimes. First marriages are usually big and over done, especially if friends are getting married all around the same time. Everyone wants to out do the other. Smaller wedding are usually held for people with small families, 2nd marriages, or people who don't have or want to spend lots of money. I'm sure there are plenty of more reasons.

I think that the big, over blown, cookie cutter weddings are advertised so much in the bridal industry that it's sometimes hard not to get caught up in it all. Think about it, there are so many things not required at a wedding, but the service providers need to sell the idea that it's needed so they can keep their jobs. Also family members want to put in their 2 cents, and they want to attend something fun and extravagant for their own selfish reasons.
Reply:For a multitude of reasons smaller, more intimate weddings are gaining popularity.



I have helped plan, organize or officiated weddings . .



Along a stream

In someone's living room in front of a fireplace

At a camp site

Poolside

Next to a hot tub

In someone's front yard

In someone's back yard

In a neighbor's beautifully landscaped garden

In the music room of a victorian manor house (a bed and breakfast)

At a vineyard/winery

Inside a gazebo at a community park

Ovelooking a river at a state park

In a Japanese garden

At an Italian restaurant

In the parking lot of a restaurant

On the second floor deck of a condo

At a farm near rows of corn

On the observation deck of a county park

Under an old apple tree filled with white blossoms

In a sun room of someone's home

In front of a small lake

Next to a golf course



And one of the most memorable weddings that I ever participated in was a Bride and Groom and two of their best friends at a bed and breakfast. The room was filled with wedding photographs of the Bride and Groom's parents and grandparents. The Groom, a professional musician, sang a love song to the Bride after the vows. Very romantic and emotional! Which goes to prove you don't have to have two hundred people to have a great wedding!



Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
Reply:I've been going to weddings in Northern California for more than forty years, and they've ranged from less than twenty people to nearly 500; backyards to churches to hotels to clearings in the woods; no attendants at all to twelve on a side; elaborate sit-down dinners to cake and punch to vegetarian buffets. I've seen DJs, rock bands, folk bands, solo guitars and string quartets. I've watched brides come down the aisle wearing white, ivory, pink, green, and blue carrying everything from one flower to a huge, elaborate bouquet and topped with everything from just their hair to wide-brimmed hats to face-covering veils. Grooms have worn everything from tuxes to jeans to kilts.



The one thing almost all of these weddings had in common was that they reflected the tastes, priorities, and personalities of the couples being married.



I hope you get the chance to experience some weddings that didn't come out of a cookie cutter, because they're a lot of fun.
Reply:Yes those types of weddings are very common. And actually, I think those are the nicest and more intimate. Some of the best and most beautiful weddings I have ever seen was outside in someones back yard.
Reply:Of course smaller and more casual weddings are common! The question is, are they more common in the weddings of upper and middle income couples? The answer to that, sadly, is that they are not. What makes a wedding personal is the unique aspects, the things that will stand out to a guest and will be memorable for the couple. I encourage all couples to search their creativity for unique ideas that reflect their personal tastes and desires.