I am getting married next year on Valentines day, I am trying to have a red and white reception. What kind of center pieces would be nice. Any suggestions thanks
Wedding flowers?
a friend of mine got married and uised carnations and mums they were beautiful. red/white. so mant things you can do. best wishes
Reply:go with whatever you enjoy if you want something inexpensive or something with a fragrance it all depends on that
Reply:Well center pieces don't have to be flowers you could use red candles and get fake pearls set them on the candle and use a hair dryer to heat it up a little and set the pearls into the candle.
Another idea is to use small fish bowls put red and white stones in them with a few feeder goldfish and let the guests take them home.
If you don't want the expense of real flowers you could buy fake and get almost any kind in any color.
Since it's on Valentines Day you could get heart shaped boxes glue ribbon and tiny flowers on them and fill them with dinner mints.
The last idea I can come up with right now is to take decorating wire shape them like hearts and wrap flowers on them with floral tape you can use real ofr fake if you choose fake you can do them now and that will be one less thing when it gets close to the big day.
Reply:Red roses and white calla lilies are a beautiful combination. I just didn't want roses at my wedding (my previous last name was Rose). I had tall 5" round vases with white tulips, you could use red, or a combo of both. The tulips were wound inside the vase with some of those sticks that florists use. It was really elegant. If you are interested in a pic, email me n8ivca@yahoo.com.
Reply:you have a few options.
- have a red overlay over a white tablecloth
- going with flowers - roses and or carnations arranged in a box look nice.
- helium balloons of differing lengths and in the colours you want
- a couple of goldfish (these can come in white!) in a small bowl (red gravel?!)
- candles (either red or white) in a nice holder (biggish ones similar to ones used in church) with a floral wreath around the bottom
- chocolate shaped hearts for guests
- rose petals scattered on the table
- red glitter hearts/angles/stars etc scattered on the table
hope this helps!
Reply:a glass bowl as the centerpeice with floating candles or candles with no water and red/white roses around it. the candles could add some romantic lighting! have fun!
Reply:A "Strawberry Margarita" Centerpiece Bouquet. Check them out at www.myfloralarrangements.com. They can be made in many colors including red and white. Congratulations!
Reply:There is a flower called the bleeding heart. They are tiny one inch heart shaped red flowers with a tiny white tear drop coming off the bottom of them. Very pretty. How appropriate for Valentines.
Reply:A heart shaped centerpiece with the red and white roses.
Reply:I love the look of red%26amp;white roses, but I've heard the price goes sky high on them around Valentines.
Reply:Clear glass bowls filled half way with water. Float red and white flowers and candles in them.
Reply:i love candles its setts a great atmosphere (romance)
Reply:Red roses and white carnations are beautiful. I also like red roses with white carnations.
Reply:Anything with hearts, red roses, red and white flowers, candy, candles, anything romantic like that!
Reply:There is a flower (in the Lilly family I think) that at the end of the pistol is a heart. If you can afford it perhaps a white one surrounded by red carnations would look classy.
platform flip flops
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Which scriptures....?
In weddings, what scriptures in the Bible are read by the preacher during the ceremony.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony..."
Also, what parts of the Bible actually describe how a wedding ceremony is supposed to be arranged? Such as what the bride should wear, what the groom should wear, why we need flower girls and bridesmaids, what jumping over a broom is supposed to symbolize...etc. The only scriptures I found are basically about the reception, or the celebration after the two are married.
This question is not to offend anyone or cause an argument...I'm just curious.
Which scriptures....?
To answer your question, there is no "wedding text" in the Bible. Many pastors and priests do not use it anymore, preferring to use something more personal and applicable from the Bible reflecting the relationship of the soon to be married couple.
There are no ceremonies specifically detailed either, unless you count Esther's beautifying treatments before she became Queen.
On the topic of the actual marriage, the only thing it says is that a woman shall leave her family to go with the man, her new husband, and they shall become one - which means that they not only get to have sex (interesting that all the parts needed for this fit together like an interlocking Lego...), that your genes will combine to create a single human (your eventual child), but also refers to the joint decisions you will make for your lives-you are considered two halves of a whole by the community when it comes to public responsibility.
The Bible does, however, detail how a man should honor his wife and children in marriage, and visa verse. But that is after the fact.
The dearly beloved spiel is a text written to guide would-be "ministers" who must be accredited by the state to legally perform wedding ceremonies and issue marriage licenses. If you look closely, there is allot of legalese in the speech.
Much of what we call a traditional wedding really started back with Queen Victoria at the turn of the century. The popularization of the white dress, the diamond ring, the formal dinner, the rehearsal, etc., all stem from a fascination with her wedding before WW1.
The bridesmaids and men of honor are a throwback to an ancient Celtic tradition from Ireland, (whom Victoria ruled over) where they thought that evil spirits would attack the young couple to be...so friends and family dressed like the bride and the groom to confuse the evil spirits and lead them away from the couple. The shoes (or cans) tied to the back of a wagon/car also have to do with scaring away evil spirits. The flower girls are also part of a pagan tradition, but I forgot where it came from.
Throwing rice has to do with securing fertility for the couple. It is not a Christian tradition either.
Lighting a unity candle has to do with Catholic pageantry, and is not prescribed or mentioned anywhere in the Bible.
There is a book by Robert Fulcrum called, From Beginning to End: the Rituals of our Lives. He explains the history behind our most commonly observed rituals, including the wedding ceremony that literally, is less than 100 years old.
Most of your questions can be answered in his book. It's a beautiful read, and will give you new insight on what will make your wedding meaningful, and not just a copy of some fake "tradition". He is a Unitarian, and although I am personally a Christian, I think he handles the topic of God as part of a marriage with sensitivity and sound common sense.
I hope this helps you get started.
Reply:Your welcome :) Report It
Reply:Mav never seen it in bible. Mav have seen it in her Grandpa's old book of prayers.
Reply:"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony..." isn't from the Bible, it's just something that preachers say. There aren't any verses that say how a wedding ceremony has to be, it's just traditions that have been passed down. The important thing in marriage isn't how the wedding is, it's the committment between the two people. It doesn't matter if you get married in a church or on a beach or in a field... it matters that you are promising God and your partner that you will love each other unconditionally for as long as you are both living. A lot of times people at weddings will read from 1 Corinthians 13 (the 'love' chapter), that's the scripture that goes "love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast...." etc.
Reply:There is no scriptures stating what you said word for word, They use a marriage book, But we need to see, that our natural marriage can type our spiritual Marrige to Jesus at the wedding supper. %26amp; every country has their own marriage book. That does not take away the fact that they are married, These is Vows, %26amp; you are Vowing to God with people as your wittness
Reply:There are no scriptures in the Bible such as you describe. Various churches have, over the years, developed a wedding ceremony, and the traditional one you are thinking of is probably just a variation on one of those. They do not come from the Bible.
There is also no Biblical tradition for clothing, jumping over a broom, etc... Those are all cultural traditions. For example, the white wedding dress that is so popular today was actually made popular in the 19th Century by England's Queen Victoria, who chose a white gown in which to be married. Before that, the color of dress you wore was largely based on your tastes and local custom.
Most religious marriage ceremonies do quote from the Bible, but they quote from different parts. There are no set scriptures that are a must have part of a wedding ceremony. Certain churches may read scripture that is important to them, but that is based on their tradition and belief, not on any Biblical requirements.
Reply:Most often, weddings are performed according to local customs. The scriptures only act as a guide by the use of principles. For example, you asked about dress and grooming --- the scriptures speak of the value of modesty and so forth, it leaves room for personal taste but not at the expense of respect and dignity. It also speaks of not being overly concerned with the external braiding of hair, not that you wouldn't want your hair well arranged, but not so much as to bring too much attention on yourself, again, detracting from the dignity of the occasion.
The princilples in the Bible, rather than black and white rules, allow for our own personal taste, but within reasonable guidelines.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony..."
Also, what parts of the Bible actually describe how a wedding ceremony is supposed to be arranged? Such as what the bride should wear, what the groom should wear, why we need flower girls and bridesmaids, what jumping over a broom is supposed to symbolize...etc. The only scriptures I found are basically about the reception, or the celebration after the two are married.
This question is not to offend anyone or cause an argument...I'm just curious.
Which scriptures....?
To answer your question, there is no "wedding text" in the Bible. Many pastors and priests do not use it anymore, preferring to use something more personal and applicable from the Bible reflecting the relationship of the soon to be married couple.
There are no ceremonies specifically detailed either, unless you count Esther's beautifying treatments before she became Queen.
On the topic of the actual marriage, the only thing it says is that a woman shall leave her family to go with the man, her new husband, and they shall become one - which means that they not only get to have sex (interesting that all the parts needed for this fit together like an interlocking Lego...), that your genes will combine to create a single human (your eventual child), but also refers to the joint decisions you will make for your lives-you are considered two halves of a whole by the community when it comes to public responsibility.
The Bible does, however, detail how a man should honor his wife and children in marriage, and visa verse. But that is after the fact.
The dearly beloved spiel is a text written to guide would-be "ministers" who must be accredited by the state to legally perform wedding ceremonies and issue marriage licenses. If you look closely, there is allot of legalese in the speech.
Much of what we call a traditional wedding really started back with Queen Victoria at the turn of the century. The popularization of the white dress, the diamond ring, the formal dinner, the rehearsal, etc., all stem from a fascination with her wedding before WW1.
The bridesmaids and men of honor are a throwback to an ancient Celtic tradition from Ireland, (whom Victoria ruled over) where they thought that evil spirits would attack the young couple to be...so friends and family dressed like the bride and the groom to confuse the evil spirits and lead them away from the couple. The shoes (or cans) tied to the back of a wagon/car also have to do with scaring away evil spirits. The flower girls are also part of a pagan tradition, but I forgot where it came from.
Throwing rice has to do with securing fertility for the couple. It is not a Christian tradition either.
Lighting a unity candle has to do with Catholic pageantry, and is not prescribed or mentioned anywhere in the Bible.
There is a book by Robert Fulcrum called, From Beginning to End: the Rituals of our Lives. He explains the history behind our most commonly observed rituals, including the wedding ceremony that literally, is less than 100 years old.
Most of your questions can be answered in his book. It's a beautiful read, and will give you new insight on what will make your wedding meaningful, and not just a copy of some fake "tradition". He is a Unitarian, and although I am personally a Christian, I think he handles the topic of God as part of a marriage with sensitivity and sound common sense.
I hope this helps you get started.
Reply:Your welcome :) Report It
Reply:Mav never seen it in bible. Mav have seen it in her Grandpa's old book of prayers.
Reply:"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony..." isn't from the Bible, it's just something that preachers say. There aren't any verses that say how a wedding ceremony has to be, it's just traditions that have been passed down. The important thing in marriage isn't how the wedding is, it's the committment between the two people. It doesn't matter if you get married in a church or on a beach or in a field... it matters that you are promising God and your partner that you will love each other unconditionally for as long as you are both living. A lot of times people at weddings will read from 1 Corinthians 13 (the 'love' chapter), that's the scripture that goes "love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast...." etc.
Reply:There is no scriptures stating what you said word for word, They use a marriage book, But we need to see, that our natural marriage can type our spiritual Marrige to Jesus at the wedding supper. %26amp; every country has their own marriage book. That does not take away the fact that they are married, These is Vows, %26amp; you are Vowing to God with people as your wittness
Reply:There are no scriptures in the Bible such as you describe. Various churches have, over the years, developed a wedding ceremony, and the traditional one you are thinking of is probably just a variation on one of those. They do not come from the Bible.
There is also no Biblical tradition for clothing, jumping over a broom, etc... Those are all cultural traditions. For example, the white wedding dress that is so popular today was actually made popular in the 19th Century by England's Queen Victoria, who chose a white gown in which to be married. Before that, the color of dress you wore was largely based on your tastes and local custom.
Most religious marriage ceremonies do quote from the Bible, but they quote from different parts. There are no set scriptures that are a must have part of a wedding ceremony. Certain churches may read scripture that is important to them, but that is based on their tradition and belief, not on any Biblical requirements.
Reply:Most often, weddings are performed according to local customs. The scriptures only act as a guide by the use of principles. For example, you asked about dress and grooming --- the scriptures speak of the value of modesty and so forth, it leaves room for personal taste but not at the expense of respect and dignity. It also speaks of not being overly concerned with the external braiding of hair, not that you wouldn't want your hair well arranged, but not so much as to bring too much attention on yourself, again, detracting from the dignity of the occasion.
The princilples in the Bible, rather than black and white rules, allow for our own personal taste, but within reasonable guidelines.
Junior Bridesmaid..help!?
My fiance's sister is mad because I told her she won't be our flower girl because she'll be too old (she asked me if she could be, she'll be 12)
He has 2 brothers that are going to be his groomsmen.
I dont want her in my bridal party. I have issues with her. I think she's spoiled and has given me nothing but grief since I've been dating my fiance. (I've asked for advice on how to deal with her on here before too)
She cries when she doesn't get her way. And even though me and her brother have been together for a a year and a half she still gets jealous of our relationship even though he spends alot of time with her on their own. Usually if she sees us together she'll actually come up and kick me and try to pull him away from me.
I dont want to reward her behavior by having her in my wedding, and i also don't want her throwing fits at my ceremony and reception, but she'd be the only family left out and i feel a bad bc ..what should I do with her?
Junior Bridesmaid..help!?
She asked to be in your wedding party? How rude!!
You and your fiancee need to sit down and talk with her (perhaps his mother can help?). Explain to her how her behavior is the reason why you do not want her to participate. She is abusive toward you (kicking) and possessive of her brother. Tell her flat out you do not believe she can act like a lady should, so you do not want her to embarrass herself. Make sure you focus on her behavior, not on your opinion of her (even though she does sound spoiled).
She needs to understand being in a wedding party is not just a game, it's a responsibility. The wedding party is made up of people who will support the bride and groom through the wedding and beyond. Her behavior has shown you that she is not up to that responsibility.
I understand you do not want to cut her completely out because she is family. Perhaps there is some small thing she is capable of handling? Passing out programs or whatever so she is not totally excluded?
Good luck.
Reply:Tell her if she starts behaving then you will think about it, tell her the way she treats you why should you have her in it. Just tell her when she starts treating you better then you will start to think of her more often. She is old enough to understand.
Reply:Well, from your main question (Junior Bridesmaid...help?!) I'm assuming that you are considering having her as a jr bridesmaid- is that correct?
I think that would be a good position for her if you choose. You can have a serious talk with her about how this is a big responsibility etc. Then maybe she will want to act more grown up like the other bridesmaids.
If you don't want her as a jr BM, how about a candle lighter? Or guestbook attendant?
Reply:You have issues with a 12 year old? Well that kind of says something right there. Another thing that struck me reading this is, doesnt her jealous behaviour seem odd? Are there some strange family dynamics going on that you didnt mention? A 12 year old that kicks and throws fits- Ive never heard of such a thing.
Reply:Stick to your guns.....tell hubby to be to deal with his sister. It's not your problem, it's his. Don't feel bad....she hasn't felt bad about the problems she has caused for you so far, and you know there will be more to come.
Reply:Talk to her and explain why you do not want to have her in the wedding. Maybe you should have this conversation in front of her parents with your boyfriend present as well. Remember, this is your wedding day. As long as you and your b/f agree not to have her in the wedding, it is your choice! Good Luck!
Reply:Well, she's 12 years old! She's old enough to understand that her behavior has consequences. Explain to her and her parents that you don't believe she can behave like a mature person, and therefore will not be in the wedding party.
Reply:You can have her as your guest book attendant. Have her wear colors of your wedding, and have a guest book table. Ask her to stand at the table greeting people and asking them to sign the book. You should also have her walked down the isle behind the mother of the groom to make her feel special. Basically you need to be the more mature one.
Reply:she is 12! she is immature and that is why she acts like that. but you sound immature in the way that you are talking about her. you actually sound quite jealous. i think you should have her be a junior bridesmaid. what is the big deal about it? if she wants to help and have a part in the wedding maybe you two will start getting along better too.
Reply:I completely agree with you about not putting the brat in the wedding. She really is too old to be a flower girl, and if you don't want her to be a Jr. Bridesmaid, then don't let her. If she and your fiance are so close, ask him to talk to her. Get him to tell her why she can't be a flower girl, and that there are already enough bridesmaids. Then pull the "big brother" card and get him to say something like "this is a very special day for me, and I don't want you to give me a reason for me to be disappointed with you. You need to be on your best behavior, which means no throwing tantrums and making a scene. You are 12 not 2 and you know better than that". If he puts the guilt on her, it might work better than you or her parents doing it.
If you really feel like she should do something, you can let her be an usher or hand out wedding programs. That way she is helping and technically part of the wedding, but it's not a big role.
Reply:Your wedding party is supposed to be made up of people you are close to.
If I were in your situation, I would not put her in the wedding. You are right, behavior like that should not be rewarded. Even though she is still young at twelve, she should know that she shouldn't act that way.
Reply:you should tell her the truth, that you don't want her in your wedding because of the way she acts. If your wedding is a little bit off see if she changes her behavior after you talk to her and then ask her to be in the wedding (but only if things change).
Reply:You need to have your fiance talk to her about her behavior. Kicking you and acting like a brat isn't acceptable for someone's who's 4, never mind 11 years old.
If you made her a junior bridesmaid her only involvement would be to march down the aisle holding flowers and then go sit with her parents. Later she gets a few pictures snapped of her with the wedding party. All things considered, it would be an easy way to smooth over this whole issue. Her parents would have to purchase her outfit, etc.
However, before you do that you need to have an understanding between your fiance and her that she needs to act like a young lady and there will be no more brattiness. Bridesmaids need to act mature because it's an important job, etc. This is the kind of thing your fiance can say (not that it's all true, but it will help put her on the straight and narrow). It's a good way to put a carrot in front of her. She may still be jealous of you, but as a child that's pretty normal. If you act like her friend or older sister, that will help a lot.
As a junior bridesmaid she should not be involved in any of the showers or parties leading up to the wedding.
Reply:You are being so mean to a 12 year old. You were probably that bratty too. Just keep in mind that marriage is supposed to be forever. If its that important to her, just make her a jr bridesmaid. In 20 years, when she's mature and you guys are BFF (family forever) you guys will literally laugh about this time! Trust me, she'll grow up. You both will. You don't want to regret not having her in the wedding.
She is too old to be a flower girl.
Reply:You don't owe her anything especially if she is as horrid as you say. Talk to your fiance' about her behavior (the kicking and pulling hair) that has to be put to a stop ASAP. If your fiance wants to have her in the wedding then he should have her stand for him, she can wear a pretty black and white dress (reminiscent of a tux) and wear a buttonear like the guys.
Reply:Well, at 12 she is the right age for a junior bridesmaid. If his parents are upset that she isn't part of your wedding party, than you might want to keep the peace and go with that option. Then you, your finance, and his parents might want to have a discussion with her about appropriate behavior for a wedding/receptions. However, this is YOUR wedding and only you and your finance can make this decision together.
Are you as a couple paying for it or are you going with "tradition" and having your parents foot the bill? Because if its your money you can just say that for financial reasons you couldn't afford to have a huge bridal party, but you'd like her to help out in some other way, which would be understandable. Not that a 12 year old will get that.
If you decide she's not in the wedding party and she asks why, it might be time for her brother to explain to her that her immature behavior has negative consequences and this is one of them. She's HIS sister and he should be sticking up for you and putting her in her place. Don't forget she's the only girl in a family of boys and she's probably used to being the "princess" in their lives and always getting her way.
You could also try to find other ways for her to be involved in the ceremony and reception. Perhaps she could read a passage for the ceremony? By starting her out with small responsibilities she'll start to learn how to conduct herself in a more appropriate manner; though her parents should be seeing to that not you.
Whatever you decide, its your special day. Try to keep the peace with his family because they are now permanently your family too. But don't do something you feel guilt tripped into by a little brat.
He has 2 brothers that are going to be his groomsmen.
I dont want her in my bridal party. I have issues with her. I think she's spoiled and has given me nothing but grief since I've been dating my fiance. (I've asked for advice on how to deal with her on here before too)
She cries when she doesn't get her way. And even though me and her brother have been together for a a year and a half she still gets jealous of our relationship even though he spends alot of time with her on their own. Usually if she sees us together she'll actually come up and kick me and try to pull him away from me.
I dont want to reward her behavior by having her in my wedding, and i also don't want her throwing fits at my ceremony and reception, but she'd be the only family left out and i feel a bad bc ..what should I do with her?
Junior Bridesmaid..help!?
She asked to be in your wedding party? How rude!!
You and your fiancee need to sit down and talk with her (perhaps his mother can help?). Explain to her how her behavior is the reason why you do not want her to participate. She is abusive toward you (kicking) and possessive of her brother. Tell her flat out you do not believe she can act like a lady should, so you do not want her to embarrass herself. Make sure you focus on her behavior, not on your opinion of her (even though she does sound spoiled).
She needs to understand being in a wedding party is not just a game, it's a responsibility. The wedding party is made up of people who will support the bride and groom through the wedding and beyond. Her behavior has shown you that she is not up to that responsibility.
I understand you do not want to cut her completely out because she is family. Perhaps there is some small thing she is capable of handling? Passing out programs or whatever so she is not totally excluded?
Good luck.
Reply:Tell her if she starts behaving then you will think about it, tell her the way she treats you why should you have her in it. Just tell her when she starts treating you better then you will start to think of her more often. She is old enough to understand.
Reply:Well, from your main question (Junior Bridesmaid...help?!) I'm assuming that you are considering having her as a jr bridesmaid- is that correct?
I think that would be a good position for her if you choose. You can have a serious talk with her about how this is a big responsibility etc. Then maybe she will want to act more grown up like the other bridesmaids.
If you don't want her as a jr BM, how about a candle lighter? Or guestbook attendant?
Reply:You have issues with a 12 year old? Well that kind of says something right there. Another thing that struck me reading this is, doesnt her jealous behaviour seem odd? Are there some strange family dynamics going on that you didnt mention? A 12 year old that kicks and throws fits- Ive never heard of such a thing.
Reply:Stick to your guns.....tell hubby to be to deal with his sister. It's not your problem, it's his. Don't feel bad....she hasn't felt bad about the problems she has caused for you so far, and you know there will be more to come.
Reply:Talk to her and explain why you do not want to have her in the wedding. Maybe you should have this conversation in front of her parents with your boyfriend present as well. Remember, this is your wedding day. As long as you and your b/f agree not to have her in the wedding, it is your choice! Good Luck!
Reply:Well, she's 12 years old! She's old enough to understand that her behavior has consequences. Explain to her and her parents that you don't believe she can behave like a mature person, and therefore will not be in the wedding party.
Reply:You can have her as your guest book attendant. Have her wear colors of your wedding, and have a guest book table. Ask her to stand at the table greeting people and asking them to sign the book. You should also have her walked down the isle behind the mother of the groom to make her feel special. Basically you need to be the more mature one.
Reply:she is 12! she is immature and that is why she acts like that. but you sound immature in the way that you are talking about her. you actually sound quite jealous. i think you should have her be a junior bridesmaid. what is the big deal about it? if she wants to help and have a part in the wedding maybe you two will start getting along better too.
Reply:I completely agree with you about not putting the brat in the wedding. She really is too old to be a flower girl, and if you don't want her to be a Jr. Bridesmaid, then don't let her. If she and your fiance are so close, ask him to talk to her. Get him to tell her why she can't be a flower girl, and that there are already enough bridesmaids. Then pull the "big brother" card and get him to say something like "this is a very special day for me, and I don't want you to give me a reason for me to be disappointed with you. You need to be on your best behavior, which means no throwing tantrums and making a scene. You are 12 not 2 and you know better than that". If he puts the guilt on her, it might work better than you or her parents doing it.
If you really feel like she should do something, you can let her be an usher or hand out wedding programs. That way she is helping and technically part of the wedding, but it's not a big role.
Reply:Your wedding party is supposed to be made up of people you are close to.
If I were in your situation, I would not put her in the wedding. You are right, behavior like that should not be rewarded. Even though she is still young at twelve, she should know that she shouldn't act that way.
Reply:you should tell her the truth, that you don't want her in your wedding because of the way she acts. If your wedding is a little bit off see if she changes her behavior after you talk to her and then ask her to be in the wedding (but only if things change).
Reply:You need to have your fiance talk to her about her behavior. Kicking you and acting like a brat isn't acceptable for someone's who's 4, never mind 11 years old.
If you made her a junior bridesmaid her only involvement would be to march down the aisle holding flowers and then go sit with her parents. Later she gets a few pictures snapped of her with the wedding party. All things considered, it would be an easy way to smooth over this whole issue. Her parents would have to purchase her outfit, etc.
However, before you do that you need to have an understanding between your fiance and her that she needs to act like a young lady and there will be no more brattiness. Bridesmaids need to act mature because it's an important job, etc. This is the kind of thing your fiance can say (not that it's all true, but it will help put her on the straight and narrow). It's a good way to put a carrot in front of her. She may still be jealous of you, but as a child that's pretty normal. If you act like her friend or older sister, that will help a lot.
As a junior bridesmaid she should not be involved in any of the showers or parties leading up to the wedding.
Reply:You are being so mean to a 12 year old. You were probably that bratty too. Just keep in mind that marriage is supposed to be forever. If its that important to her, just make her a jr bridesmaid. In 20 years, when she's mature and you guys are BFF (family forever) you guys will literally laugh about this time! Trust me, she'll grow up. You both will. You don't want to regret not having her in the wedding.
She is too old to be a flower girl.
Reply:You don't owe her anything especially if she is as horrid as you say. Talk to your fiance' about her behavior (the kicking and pulling hair) that has to be put to a stop ASAP. If your fiance wants to have her in the wedding then he should have her stand for him, she can wear a pretty black and white dress (reminiscent of a tux) and wear a buttonear like the guys.
Reply:Well, at 12 she is the right age for a junior bridesmaid. If his parents are upset that she isn't part of your wedding party, than you might want to keep the peace and go with that option. Then you, your finance, and his parents might want to have a discussion with her about appropriate behavior for a wedding/receptions. However, this is YOUR wedding and only you and your finance can make this decision together.
Are you as a couple paying for it or are you going with "tradition" and having your parents foot the bill? Because if its your money you can just say that for financial reasons you couldn't afford to have a huge bridal party, but you'd like her to help out in some other way, which would be understandable. Not that a 12 year old will get that.
If you decide she's not in the wedding party and she asks why, it might be time for her brother to explain to her that her immature behavior has negative consequences and this is one of them. She's HIS sister and he should be sticking up for you and putting her in her place. Don't forget she's the only girl in a family of boys and she's probably used to being the "princess" in their lives and always getting her way.
You could also try to find other ways for her to be involved in the ceremony and reception. Perhaps she could read a passage for the ceremony? By starting her out with small responsibilities she'll start to learn how to conduct herself in a more appropriate manner; though her parents should be seeing to that not you.
Whatever you decide, its your special day. Try to keep the peace with his family because they are now permanently your family too. But don't do something you feel guilt tripped into by a little brat.
Father of the Bride suit or tux?
My fiance and I are getting married in late June. I have a traditional white dress with train, the flower girl has a coordinating dress, my maid of honor will also have a traditional dress. My fiance and his best man will be in full black tuxes. The wedding will be pretty simple, with less than 100 people attending and snacks and finger sandwiches at the reception instead of a formal sit down meal.
My surrogate Dad is giving me away. My question is this, since my fiance's Dad will most likely wear a suit, should I have my Dad wear a suit too? I don't want the photos to look off balance if we take group shots by having all the men in tuxes except the groom's Dad. Would it be considered "tacky" to have the FoB in a nice suit?
Thanks!
Father of the Bride suit or tux?
personally, i'd have him wear a tux unless you're planning on both father figures wearing coordinating suits!
Reply:I had a simliar wedding. My dad wore a suit, just because he hated tux pants. I think it's perfectly fine attire.
Reply:If the groom's dad is going to wear a nice suit, I don't see why not. It'll look balanced if both dads are wearing it. The mom's are wearing just nice dresses. It'll look beautiful either way.
Reply:The wedding party can wear tuxes which would include the FOB. If he prefers wearing a suit then that should be okay as well. Don't sweat the small things.
Reply:Of course, the fathers just wear suits.
Reply:Your surrogate father is giving you away on one of the most Happiest days of your life, he should be dressed in a tux, this is your special day, go for the best! Be sure to let your fiance know your Dad will be wearing a tux, maybe his Dad will change his mind and also wear a tux as he should. Congradulations and Best Wishes on your wedding and marriage.
Reply:No
Reply:in my wedding, both fathers wore tuxes. we had pictures of my husband with his dad and it looked better that he had a tux on too.
Reply:Because you are having an informal wedding, I would let both fathers decide on what they would like to wear. I think in a casual setting, that it does not matter as much, so if you would like your father to wear a tux, that is fine.
Reply:I think a suit is fine. I am having the fathers wear a tux though, but I didnt even think to have them just in a suit, I bet that saves alot of money..
Reply:I think your dad should wear a tux. He is part of the wedding.
Reply:The formality of your father's attire does not have to much the groom's father since he is going to be escorting you down the aisle. He can wear a tuxedo or suit. Your father-in-law will not look out of place in your pictures just because he isn't wearing a tuxedo. The decision really should be based on what you would like your father to wear and what he would feel comfortable in wearing. If you think a suit would be better that would be fine. But he can also wear a tuxedo if you would like him to. And who knows your fiance's dad may opt to wear a tuxedo (my father did for my brother's wedding). If it's really important to you that they dress similarly (which is a very nice gesture), just have your fiance ask his dad whether he plans on wearing a suit or tuxedo so you can plan your father's attire accordingly.
Reply:Well if your fiance's Dad is wearing a suit, then your Dad should too, but I would have your fiance talk to his Dad about wearing a black tux..it is so much more classy looking. If he changes his mind, then your Dad should wear a tux
Reply:Technically, FoG and FoB should be dressed in the same manner as the men in the wedding party. If FoG insists on suit and not tux, then ask FoB to wear a suit too.
Reply:naw
Reply:tux
My surrogate Dad is giving me away. My question is this, since my fiance's Dad will most likely wear a suit, should I have my Dad wear a suit too? I don't want the photos to look off balance if we take group shots by having all the men in tuxes except the groom's Dad. Would it be considered "tacky" to have the FoB in a nice suit?
Thanks!
Father of the Bride suit or tux?
personally, i'd have him wear a tux unless you're planning on both father figures wearing coordinating suits!
Reply:I had a simliar wedding. My dad wore a suit, just because he hated tux pants. I think it's perfectly fine attire.
Reply:If the groom's dad is going to wear a nice suit, I don't see why not. It'll look balanced if both dads are wearing it. The mom's are wearing just nice dresses. It'll look beautiful either way.
Reply:The wedding party can wear tuxes which would include the FOB. If he prefers wearing a suit then that should be okay as well. Don't sweat the small things.
Reply:Of course, the fathers just wear suits.
Reply:Your surrogate father is giving you away on one of the most Happiest days of your life, he should be dressed in a tux, this is your special day, go for the best! Be sure to let your fiance know your Dad will be wearing a tux, maybe his Dad will change his mind and also wear a tux as he should. Congradulations and Best Wishes on your wedding and marriage.
Reply:No
Reply:in my wedding, both fathers wore tuxes. we had pictures of my husband with his dad and it looked better that he had a tux on too.
Reply:Because you are having an informal wedding, I would let both fathers decide on what they would like to wear. I think in a casual setting, that it does not matter as much, so if you would like your father to wear a tux, that is fine.
Reply:I think a suit is fine. I am having the fathers wear a tux though, but I didnt even think to have them just in a suit, I bet that saves alot of money..
Reply:I think your dad should wear a tux. He is part of the wedding.
Reply:The formality of your father's attire does not have to much the groom's father since he is going to be escorting you down the aisle. He can wear a tuxedo or suit. Your father-in-law will not look out of place in your pictures just because he isn't wearing a tuxedo. The decision really should be based on what you would like your father to wear and what he would feel comfortable in wearing. If you think a suit would be better that would be fine. But he can also wear a tuxedo if you would like him to. And who knows your fiance's dad may opt to wear a tuxedo (my father did for my brother's wedding). If it's really important to you that they dress similarly (which is a very nice gesture), just have your fiance ask his dad whether he plans on wearing a suit or tuxedo so you can plan your father's attire accordingly.
Reply:Well if your fiance's Dad is wearing a suit, then your Dad should too, but I would have your fiance talk to his Dad about wearing a black tux..it is so much more classy looking. If he changes his mind, then your Dad should wear a tux
Reply:Technically, FoG and FoB should be dressed in the same manner as the men in the wedding party. If FoG insists on suit and not tux, then ask FoB to wear a suit too.
Reply:naw
Reply:tux
Is this proper?
My six year daughter is going to be in my neice's wedding. Everyone kind of just volunteered her to be the flower child without first asking me. Not that isn't bad enough,but her wedding is on a day that I have to work,and it's 1 1/2 away,too. I can't take off work as I'm on my first 90 days at this new job. My neice never bothered to even send a invitation to me either. When I asked my sister if I was invited,she said,"we figured you'd just show up." Ok,this makes me feel not welcome to begin with. Is it proper for me just not to go,or to show up at the reception? I love my neice,but we haven't been close in many years,and just don't feel the need/want to attend. My sister didn't attend my wedding and neither did any of her children either. Should I go,or bow out,or what?
Is this proper?
You could bow out if you like and you would not be wrong to do so. It is customary (and minimally polite) to ask a parent if their child can participate in a wedding, not just decide that the child is community property and make that decision on one's own. It is also rude to tell someone you expect them to show up at your wedding, but don't think it's worth the bother to send them an invite.
If you have to work and it is during your probationary period, you could be jeopardizing your job for a wedding you weren't even given a proper invitation to. If your family is such that they didn't go to your wedding, and are treating you as an afterthought with a convenience (child), then there is no real reason for you to go, or for your daughter to participate.
Reply:Forgive your sister and niece. Dress your daughter up nicely. Attend the wedding. Mend bridges. Make up with the family and become "sisters" once again. Family is precious. Don't throw it away.
Reply:Sounds to me like they are maybe trying to offer the olive branch, but they have not thought it through enough to make sure it's acceptable to you. Also, if your family is fairly casual about weddings and similar events, but you are not, they might just be taking your attendance for granted.
There's no reason you should go, especially if to do so might put your job at risk. And if you don't want your daughter to go without you, well their plans will have to be changed.
It's a pity she will miss this chance to share such a lovely day with her cousins, but if they had thought to ask you first, the problem could have been completely avoided.
Best wishes with yiour new job! :-)
Reply:it's not necessary for you to attend. let them know, though. as for your daughter, if you don't want her to be in it, tell them now when they still have time to find a new flower girl. otherwise, see if she can stay with your sister or mother or some other relative for the weekend.
Reply:you answered your own question, you where not formally invited, and no one volunteers a flower girl. it seems like a piece meal wedding to say the least, and i would not feel obligated to attend, turn down right away.
Reply:I wouldn't go. We have a relative like that. And speaking from experience, I would say that you shouldn't have to go, and your daughter shouldn't have to be the flower girl either if you don't want her to. I would just tell them no. I mean it's your life, you shouldn't feel pressure from them to do something you can't, when you have to work. I would just say no, you have to work and that's that.
Reply:They figured you'd just show up? Wow I'm sorry to hear your family is so rude and uncouth. Still, they are your family, so you could try to talk to your sister about why that was hurtful. I wouldn't tell them their behavior is why you're not going though, that would be overly dramatic. Just explain that you can't take off work. If your daughter has her heart set on being the flower child maybe another relative could take her. Otherwise if she doesn't really want to, just say no.
Reply:Do whatever you feel like doing. I don't think you are obligated.
Reply:It's not necessary to go. Tell them right away though about your job and about your discomfort. Give them plenty of time to find a new flower girl. If I were you I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Good luck!
nicole
Reply:You have to do what is best for you. If you are not able to attend because of your job. Do not go! It simply is not feasible for you to attend, you have the perfect excuse. If they do not understand oh well.... You employment is your livelihood that must come first. God bless****
motor scooter
Is this proper?
You could bow out if you like and you would not be wrong to do so. It is customary (and minimally polite) to ask a parent if their child can participate in a wedding, not just decide that the child is community property and make that decision on one's own. It is also rude to tell someone you expect them to show up at your wedding, but don't think it's worth the bother to send them an invite.
If you have to work and it is during your probationary period, you could be jeopardizing your job for a wedding you weren't even given a proper invitation to. If your family is such that they didn't go to your wedding, and are treating you as an afterthought with a convenience (child), then there is no real reason for you to go, or for your daughter to participate.
Reply:Forgive your sister and niece. Dress your daughter up nicely. Attend the wedding. Mend bridges. Make up with the family and become "sisters" once again. Family is precious. Don't throw it away.
Reply:Sounds to me like they are maybe trying to offer the olive branch, but they have not thought it through enough to make sure it's acceptable to you. Also, if your family is fairly casual about weddings and similar events, but you are not, they might just be taking your attendance for granted.
There's no reason you should go, especially if to do so might put your job at risk. And if you don't want your daughter to go without you, well their plans will have to be changed.
It's a pity she will miss this chance to share such a lovely day with her cousins, but if they had thought to ask you first, the problem could have been completely avoided.
Best wishes with yiour new job! :-)
Reply:it's not necessary for you to attend. let them know, though. as for your daughter, if you don't want her to be in it, tell them now when they still have time to find a new flower girl. otherwise, see if she can stay with your sister or mother or some other relative for the weekend.
Reply:you answered your own question, you where not formally invited, and no one volunteers a flower girl. it seems like a piece meal wedding to say the least, and i would not feel obligated to attend, turn down right away.
Reply:I wouldn't go. We have a relative like that. And speaking from experience, I would say that you shouldn't have to go, and your daughter shouldn't have to be the flower girl either if you don't want her to. I would just tell them no. I mean it's your life, you shouldn't feel pressure from them to do something you can't, when you have to work. I would just say no, you have to work and that's that.
Reply:They figured you'd just show up? Wow I'm sorry to hear your family is so rude and uncouth. Still, they are your family, so you could try to talk to your sister about why that was hurtful. I wouldn't tell them their behavior is why you're not going though, that would be overly dramatic. Just explain that you can't take off work. If your daughter has her heart set on being the flower child maybe another relative could take her. Otherwise if she doesn't really want to, just say no.
Reply:Do whatever you feel like doing. I don't think you are obligated.
Reply:It's not necessary to go. Tell them right away though about your job and about your discomfort. Give them plenty of time to find a new flower girl. If I were you I wouldn't feel guilty at all. Good luck!
nicole
Reply:You have to do what is best for you. If you are not able to attend because of your job. Do not go! It simply is not feasible for you to attend, you have the perfect excuse. If they do not understand oh well.... You employment is your livelihood that must come first. God bless****
motor scooter
What do I do next...?
My wedding is June 14, 2008. We have booked the church and reception hall. Asked the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Started buying things such as decorations, ring bearers pillow/flower girls basket, guest book and pen. We have booked our photographer. Filled out the application for our passport (for the honeymoon). Stated collecting ideas for things that we like.
I feel like there is so much that I should be doing, but I have no clue what else to do this early on. Any suggestion?
What do I do next...?
You are way ahead of the game right now. I would wait a few months before finalizing a menu so you don't grow to hate it before the wedding. I would probably look for the dresses now as some can take a while to get back and probably altered but other than that you are doing great.
Reply:Order your invitations, look for a florist and band. Start looking for a wedding dress. Book your premarital counselling.
Reply:Your dress! and dresses for the girls
Reply:Buy yourself some bridal magazines they all have checklists.
Reply:if you plan to make decorations, invitations, or thank you cards yourself, start working on that. if you want to make a slide show, start gathering and scanning pictures. slide shows can take a long time to put together. also, start thinking about your order of events at your wedding reception. there is so much to do there . everything from the order of introductions, cutting the cake, and bouquet toss will run a lot smoother if you have an order of events for your dj and your banquet hall. i have paperwork i made for my boyfriend's dj business that can help you out. if you would like a copy, just email me at rosy0114@hotmail.com
Reply:find a check list from a bridal mag or get a wedding palaner from target.
Reply:Depending on where you live, you may want to start contacting caterers now. Where I live, they get booked WAY in advance, so I needed to get mine booked about a year in advance.
Other than that, you're ahead of the game. Start trying on dresses and having fun!!!
Reply:Wow, you are way ahead. My wedding is June 7, 2008 and I am nowhere near that far yet....you make me feel like such a slacker. Good luck and Congratulations!
Reply:go to a book store buy a wedding planner i found a great one at barnes %26amp; noble for pretty cheap bout $20 and it has EVERYTHING in it tons of check lists and different money saving tips and even sheets to keep your budget on track and folders to keep all the important papers in best $20 i've spent
Reply:sounds like you are doing good. just keep your eyes opened for sales and deals on things you might be able to use. sign up for theknot. they give you updates on when to do things, very helpful.
I feel like there is so much that I should be doing, but I have no clue what else to do this early on. Any suggestion?
What do I do next...?
You are way ahead of the game right now. I would wait a few months before finalizing a menu so you don't grow to hate it before the wedding. I would probably look for the dresses now as some can take a while to get back and probably altered but other than that you are doing great.
Reply:Order your invitations, look for a florist and band. Start looking for a wedding dress. Book your premarital counselling.
Reply:Your dress! and dresses for the girls
Reply:Buy yourself some bridal magazines they all have checklists.
Reply:if you plan to make decorations, invitations, or thank you cards yourself, start working on that. if you want to make a slide show, start gathering and scanning pictures. slide shows can take a long time to put together. also, start thinking about your order of events at your wedding reception. there is so much to do there . everything from the order of introductions, cutting the cake, and bouquet toss will run a lot smoother if you have an order of events for your dj and your banquet hall. i have paperwork i made for my boyfriend's dj business that can help you out. if you would like a copy, just email me at rosy0114@hotmail.com
Reply:find a check list from a bridal mag or get a wedding palaner from target.
Reply:Depending on where you live, you may want to start contacting caterers now. Where I live, they get booked WAY in advance, so I needed to get mine booked about a year in advance.
Other than that, you're ahead of the game. Start trying on dresses and having fun!!!
Reply:Wow, you are way ahead. My wedding is June 7, 2008 and I am nowhere near that far yet....you make me feel like such a slacker. Good luck and Congratulations!
Reply:go to a book store buy a wedding planner i found a great one at barnes %26amp; noble for pretty cheap bout $20 and it has EVERYTHING in it tons of check lists and different money saving tips and even sheets to keep your budget on track and folders to keep all the important papers in best $20 i've spent
Reply:sounds like you are doing good. just keep your eyes opened for sales and deals on things you might be able to use. sign up for theknot. they give you updates on when to do things, very helpful.
Mother in law from hell! My fam paying $5k, were paying 5k, shes paying 20k?
I would be happy with a small wedding, but SHE wants a huge one with all her church friends, thats why shes flipping most of the bill. She has already shot down my dress, flower %26amp;color choices. The big problem is she wants NO alcohol. Our package at the hotel INCLUDES a cocktail hour, a glass of wine at dinner, and a champange toast. Also the beverage minimum is $4k. She forbids any of it! Even the toast! She wants to toast with apple cider, and serve fruit punch and water ONLY, not even soda. We are going to lose about $7k by forfitting the alcohol, the hotel won't change their minimums just because we choose not to have it. She is a big part of her church, and says that we arent "allowed" to have alcohol, but the reception isnt at the church, its at a hotel! Also, my family are drinkers and want to have a good time, they are really upset about this. She doesnt even aknowlege that I have a family, its all about her. I cant speak up cause she is paying for so much! What to do?
Mother in law from hell! My fam paying $5k, were paying 5k, shes paying 20k?
What? This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you think her pushiness will end as soon as the wedding is over - think again; if you don't put your foot down, you're in for a lifetime of this. What does your fiancé think about it? If he sides with his mother, you're screwed big time; you will always play the second fiddle, and will not have much of a say in the family affairs. If he would rather have a smaller wedding WITH alcohol, and everything else you two would want to include - then tell him to inform his mother that thanks but no thanks, you are organizing your own wedding the way YOU two see fit. There's absolutely nothing unreasonable in the fact that two grown adults want to have a choice of what to do at THEIR OWN wedding. I'm normally all for tolerance and compromise, but sometimes you just have to say "enough". Her insistance on disregarding your wishes sounds absolutely ridiculous.
Reply:It is about what the two of you want. Marriage is a stepping out for the two of you,showing that you are grown adults and able to make your own decisions. It is your wedding not hers. She can not forbid anything. Tell her that you appreciate her input but the decisions are yours to make. If she wants to pull her money back, let her. If you let her win this war, you are going to have many battles ahead. Speak up! Tell her what you think! It is all about communication.
Reply:You need to tell her to back-up or SHUT-UP!! Tell her that you are GOING to have alcohol and thats that!! I would voice my opinion in a slippery second if I was in your position!! IT'S YOUR WEDDING, NOT HERS! This is not some get together for her and all her little church friends. Don't worry about hurting her feelings....stand up for yourself and tell her how it is going to be!! Now when it comes to your wedding dress NO ONE has the right to tell you how to choose EXCEPT for you!! You only get married once, this is your day not hers...TELL HER TO SHUT-UP AND GET OFF YOUR BACK!! Thats how you do it!!
Reply:YES YOU CAN... and SO should your FUTURE husband!This day is about THE TWO OF YOU!!! NOT THE THREE OF YOU!!! You need to make it perfectly clear that you are going to have alcohol or your going to have a small wedding the way that YOU want to have it, and she doesnt have to come if she doesnt like it!! I know it sounds brutal, but this is YOUR special day... a ONCE IN A LIFETIME (or should be) Day for you two... It should be everything YOU imagined it would be... NOT HER... Who the hell is she??? JUST YOUR MOM IN LAW...NOTHING MORE. Noone died and made her god! Make sure she knows it is complete disrespect towards YOU and YOUR family by not complying with YOUR wishes. Good luck
Reply:wow you are in a hard situation. Just talk to her and go ahead have alcohol is your wedding not hers.
Reply:It isn't her wedding, it is yours! What does your fiance say about all of this?? Although having the extra 20k would be GREAT, you should talk to her. Let her know that it is your day and you are going to have it the way you want it to be...tell her that you don't want her money. Instead, ask your parents to co-sign on a personal loan with you and borrow money from the bank. If it only takes 20k total, then take out 10k from the bank to make up for it. You can speak up, regardless of how much she is paying...it is YOUR day!!!
Reply:Sounds like she forgot who's getting married. It's YOUR wedding. She probably thinks that because she's paying most of the money, she can dictate the plans. You need to put her in her place. If you feel uncomfortable doing it, ask your fiance to help. Good luck!
Reply:put your foot down and demand the wedding you want. I believe weddings are about families but this isn't even about that- it's about one woman who isn't even you!
Reply:You and your fiance had better talk to her soon. However, you should have solved this much earlier by you two paying for your own wedding!
Reply:Sounds to me this is her wedding and not yours. You and your future hubby must sit down and have a chat with her and tell her you feelings about all this. Its your day and not hers. Congratulations and i hope that you do get your special day xx
Reply:Tell her to but out. You are the bride it is your big day not hers. If you don't put a squash to her butting in now you will be miserable for as long as you are married to her son. Know from experience been there done that. She has no right to forbid anything if she doesn't want what you want. Have a smaller wedding that you can afford to throw yourself or with your parents help.If you let her ruin this for you you will take it out on her son when you start getting bitter and angry because you didn't get to have your wedding you had hers. If your soon to be can't back you up then maybe you shouldn't get married to him after all. He will continue to take her side once you get married if you let him do it now.I am not trying to upset you I have been were you are and I am just trying to give you some advice. My Mother in law actually ordered my Husband to break up with me since I wouldn't agree to have the wedding were she wanted. She got mad because I let my mom make my dress instead of buying one with a designer label. She wanted my wedding to be a certain way not because she wanted her son's wedding to be special but so she could rub it in other peoples faces.Her interference almost cost us our happyness don't let your Mom in law ruin yours.Good Luck!
Reply:Easy for me to see whats going on. Shes buying you a wedding and is calling the shots. Call it off and then start again on your own with what you can afford. If its too late to do that, then be a bride from hell and demand you get what you want! You MIL will have to abide cause shes gonna loose alot of money if you threaten to not show up on your wedding day. Its your day. Not hers.
Whats your hubby have to say about this?
Reply:I can't stand SNOBS! This is your day that you will want to remember for the rest of your life! The decision should be yours! If she is not willing to change her mind, then change it for her and cancel the place your at and get one you can afford with drinking allowed. Piss on her! And let her know that you will be paying for whatever you can afford so at least it will be your decision for your day. I wish you lots of luck!
Reply:It's your wedding follow what you want and your soon to be husband should stand by you! Don't take her stuff now otherwise it will never end! Keep your head up and don't allow her to be the bride! you are!!!!!!! ~ katie
Reply:You ,with your fiance, need to sit down and talk as adults to see if yu can come to some sort of compromise. Now, today. Don't wait as it will continue to escalate.
This is a common problem, so don't dispair. You just need to find the solution that works for you.
Realize, too that she has envisioned how her son's wedding would be and that emotions run on extra high from everyone.
Good luck
Ps. Maybe mom-inlaw should hold her reception at a later date?
Reply:Its your day not hers, and if you dont let her know now, just wait and see how she will be when you have kids!
Reply:I think you and your soon to be husband should both go talk to her together. Explain to her how much it means to you both that she is being so generous with helping pay for the wedding, but that it is indeed YOUR wedding and you want to accommodate all of your guests. Be honest about your stand on alcohol and ask her to respect your wishes of being able to serve it at your reception not to mention your choice of dress, colors, and flowers. This day is about you and your husband, not her. She worst she can do is choose not to contribute to the wedding.
Reply:It sounds like typical mother of the groom stuff. No one is good enough for her baby boy. My eyes can't roll far enough back into my head to express how ridiculous this is!! Seriously, your kid is a GROWN UP!!! Sheesh.
I think if you politely but firmly tell her this is YOUR wedding, not hers and (as long as you were up front about the alcohol thing before she agreed to help financially) that you appreciate her helping you guys out with the bill, but you still want alcohol to be served and that no one will be expected to participate in the drinking if they choose not to. If she's still adamant about not having it tell her the last time you checked, God teaches us not to judge others, and that He is the judge of all. Besides, according to my studies... which aren't incredibly extensive or anything, drunkenness is a sin, moderate drinking is not. Jesus even drank alcohol in the form of wine, and we're supposed to be trying to be like him right?
OR you could always just agree that there won't be any alcohol there, but just tell her that, no one else. When they start serving alcohol and she flips out (and if she's anything like the people causing this same problem at my wedding were she will) just tell her you don't know what happened but you're sure they got the no alcohol message and then proceed to have fun at your reception! She'll most likely make a complete a$$ of herself in front of everyone so you can go cheap on the entertainment if you want!
It will probably help to have your fiance's support on whatever you do, though, and have them with you when you confront her about this issue.
Reply:Call it off!
It will only get worse!
You would be agreeing to becoming a SLAVE for life...
Reply:Cancel her wedding. Either elope or plan a small wedding that you can afford and do it your way. You are getting married and it should be the way you want it. Or else be prepared for her to run the rest of your life, too.
Reply:It's not her wedding, it's yours! Regardless of her kind gesture to pay a significant amount for your special occasion. Let her change her mind on paying so much if it's such a big thing for her. Remind her that it's your wedding to plan, and you appreciate her help, however some decisions are better made between you and your significant other. Good luck!
Reply:Ok. Understand that she is going to try to run your life from now on. It IS NOT TOO LATE TO NOT MARRY HER SON. If you really really really want to marry him, then elope. Seriously. You don't need a $30,000 wedding.If she says no drinking and your family drinks you will constantly have to keep everyone separate. You are talking about the rest of your life, not just your wedding. However, why will you "lose $7K" by foreiting the alcohol? That sounds like a scam.
Reply:Make a stand now or she will run your life forever. If she will not accept your terms for your wedding, then she can bail out. If your hesband does not support you, then cancel the whole thing. Plain and simple.
Reply:Why can't you speak up? If she doesn't like the dress, flower, color choices, and the alcohol, then she can keep her 20k. You said you'd be happy with a small wedding, anyway. Basically, she's over a barrel. If she wants this huge wedding to impress all her church friends, she has to go along with you and what you want. If she doesn't, she doesn't get her big wedding. So, really, YOU are in charge. She can't have the big wedding without you. So, either you have your small wedding and do what you want or she gets her big wedding because you get to do what you want. It's not a bad situation to be in. She's not holding YOU hostage; YOU are holding HER hostage.
Reply:Similar thing happend to me. The best thing you can do is decline her money and do it yourself. You can have a wonderful wedding with $10K!! Do not let her spoil your day..it;s the only first wedding you will ever have.
Reply:This is why you should never take money from anyone.
Tell her that you want alcoholic... if people don't want to drink or don't believe in it- that's their personal right and no one is making them drink. If she throws a fit about the money- give it back to her and pay for it yourself and cut her friends off the guest list.
Just stick to your guns!
Reply:There is only one thing you can do. Decline any financial assistance from her over 5k, and make sure everyone has equal say in the wedding plans.
Cut your budget by moving your reception elsewhere and your ceremony to a park.
Reply:Your fiance needs to sit down and explain the situation to his mom.
Even though you both GREATLY appreciate that she wants to put money towards the wedding, that doesn't make it HER wedding. You are the ones getting married, and you are putting $5K towards it. She should not have sole decision over your dress, colors, location, or choice of food and drink.
Talk to the hotel and see if they will give the non-drinking guests sparkling cider. That way your crowd could partake without offending the other side.
Reply:Tell her you don't need her money.
Reply:Cancel the whole thing. Elope, then have an intimate party with your close friends and family when you return. It's YOUR wedding, but if this person is hellbent on running the show, take matters into your own hands. How important is the three-ring circus to YOU? Isn't the most important thing the fact that you and your beloved are committing to a lifelong relationship. Oh yeah, I forgot--she's going to be part of that! Shoot. Good luck!
Reply:What does your future husband have to say about all this? Is there anybody that is willing to stand up to this controlling, castrating, overbearing, egotistical, self-serving woman?
Why don't you either come to an agreement with this terror or tell her to stick the money where her god won't see it and flip the bill yourself and have the kind of wedding you want, after all it is you who is getting married not her!
Mother in law from hell! My fam paying $5k, were paying 5k, shes paying 20k?
What? This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you think her pushiness will end as soon as the wedding is over - think again; if you don't put your foot down, you're in for a lifetime of this. What does your fiancé think about it? If he sides with his mother, you're screwed big time; you will always play the second fiddle, and will not have much of a say in the family affairs. If he would rather have a smaller wedding WITH alcohol, and everything else you two would want to include - then tell him to inform his mother that thanks but no thanks, you are organizing your own wedding the way YOU two see fit. There's absolutely nothing unreasonable in the fact that two grown adults want to have a choice of what to do at THEIR OWN wedding. I'm normally all for tolerance and compromise, but sometimes you just have to say "enough". Her insistance on disregarding your wishes sounds absolutely ridiculous.
Reply:It is about what the two of you want. Marriage is a stepping out for the two of you,showing that you are grown adults and able to make your own decisions. It is your wedding not hers. She can not forbid anything. Tell her that you appreciate her input but the decisions are yours to make. If she wants to pull her money back, let her. If you let her win this war, you are going to have many battles ahead. Speak up! Tell her what you think! It is all about communication.
Reply:You need to tell her to back-up or SHUT-UP!! Tell her that you are GOING to have alcohol and thats that!! I would voice my opinion in a slippery second if I was in your position!! IT'S YOUR WEDDING, NOT HERS! This is not some get together for her and all her little church friends. Don't worry about hurting her feelings....stand up for yourself and tell her how it is going to be!! Now when it comes to your wedding dress NO ONE has the right to tell you how to choose EXCEPT for you!! You only get married once, this is your day not hers...TELL HER TO SHUT-UP AND GET OFF YOUR BACK!! Thats how you do it!!
Reply:YES YOU CAN... and SO should your FUTURE husband!This day is about THE TWO OF YOU!!! NOT THE THREE OF YOU!!! You need to make it perfectly clear that you are going to have alcohol or your going to have a small wedding the way that YOU want to have it, and she doesnt have to come if she doesnt like it!! I know it sounds brutal, but this is YOUR special day... a ONCE IN A LIFETIME (or should be) Day for you two... It should be everything YOU imagined it would be... NOT HER... Who the hell is she??? JUST YOUR MOM IN LAW...NOTHING MORE. Noone died and made her god! Make sure she knows it is complete disrespect towards YOU and YOUR family by not complying with YOUR wishes. Good luck
Reply:wow you are in a hard situation. Just talk to her and go ahead have alcohol is your wedding not hers.
Reply:It isn't her wedding, it is yours! What does your fiance say about all of this?? Although having the extra 20k would be GREAT, you should talk to her. Let her know that it is your day and you are going to have it the way you want it to be...tell her that you don't want her money. Instead, ask your parents to co-sign on a personal loan with you and borrow money from the bank. If it only takes 20k total, then take out 10k from the bank to make up for it. You can speak up, regardless of how much she is paying...it is YOUR day!!!
Reply:Sounds like she forgot who's getting married. It's YOUR wedding. She probably thinks that because she's paying most of the money, she can dictate the plans. You need to put her in her place. If you feel uncomfortable doing it, ask your fiance to help. Good luck!
Reply:put your foot down and demand the wedding you want. I believe weddings are about families but this isn't even about that- it's about one woman who isn't even you!
Reply:You and your fiance had better talk to her soon. However, you should have solved this much earlier by you two paying for your own wedding!
Reply:Sounds to me this is her wedding and not yours. You and your future hubby must sit down and have a chat with her and tell her you feelings about all this. Its your day and not hers. Congratulations and i hope that you do get your special day xx
Reply:Tell her to but out. You are the bride it is your big day not hers. If you don't put a squash to her butting in now you will be miserable for as long as you are married to her son. Know from experience been there done that. She has no right to forbid anything if she doesn't want what you want. Have a smaller wedding that you can afford to throw yourself or with your parents help.If you let her ruin this for you you will take it out on her son when you start getting bitter and angry because you didn't get to have your wedding you had hers. If your soon to be can't back you up then maybe you shouldn't get married to him after all. He will continue to take her side once you get married if you let him do it now.I am not trying to upset you I have been were you are and I am just trying to give you some advice. My Mother in law actually ordered my Husband to break up with me since I wouldn't agree to have the wedding were she wanted. She got mad because I let my mom make my dress instead of buying one with a designer label. She wanted my wedding to be a certain way not because she wanted her son's wedding to be special but so she could rub it in other peoples faces.Her interference almost cost us our happyness don't let your Mom in law ruin yours.Good Luck!
Reply:Easy for me to see whats going on. Shes buying you a wedding and is calling the shots. Call it off and then start again on your own with what you can afford. If its too late to do that, then be a bride from hell and demand you get what you want! You MIL will have to abide cause shes gonna loose alot of money if you threaten to not show up on your wedding day. Its your day. Not hers.
Whats your hubby have to say about this?
Reply:I can't stand SNOBS! This is your day that you will want to remember for the rest of your life! The decision should be yours! If she is not willing to change her mind, then change it for her and cancel the place your at and get one you can afford with drinking allowed. Piss on her! And let her know that you will be paying for whatever you can afford so at least it will be your decision for your day. I wish you lots of luck!
Reply:It's your wedding follow what you want and your soon to be husband should stand by you! Don't take her stuff now otherwise it will never end! Keep your head up and don't allow her to be the bride! you are!!!!!!! ~ katie
Reply:You ,with your fiance, need to sit down and talk as adults to see if yu can come to some sort of compromise. Now, today. Don't wait as it will continue to escalate.
This is a common problem, so don't dispair. You just need to find the solution that works for you.
Realize, too that she has envisioned how her son's wedding would be and that emotions run on extra high from everyone.
Good luck
Ps. Maybe mom-inlaw should hold her reception at a later date?
Reply:Its your day not hers, and if you dont let her know now, just wait and see how she will be when you have kids!
Reply:I think you and your soon to be husband should both go talk to her together. Explain to her how much it means to you both that she is being so generous with helping pay for the wedding, but that it is indeed YOUR wedding and you want to accommodate all of your guests. Be honest about your stand on alcohol and ask her to respect your wishes of being able to serve it at your reception not to mention your choice of dress, colors, and flowers. This day is about you and your husband, not her. She worst she can do is choose not to contribute to the wedding.
Reply:It sounds like typical mother of the groom stuff. No one is good enough for her baby boy. My eyes can't roll far enough back into my head to express how ridiculous this is!! Seriously, your kid is a GROWN UP!!! Sheesh.
I think if you politely but firmly tell her this is YOUR wedding, not hers and (as long as you were up front about the alcohol thing before she agreed to help financially) that you appreciate her helping you guys out with the bill, but you still want alcohol to be served and that no one will be expected to participate in the drinking if they choose not to. If she's still adamant about not having it tell her the last time you checked, God teaches us not to judge others, and that He is the judge of all. Besides, according to my studies... which aren't incredibly extensive or anything, drunkenness is a sin, moderate drinking is not. Jesus even drank alcohol in the form of wine, and we're supposed to be trying to be like him right?
OR you could always just agree that there won't be any alcohol there, but just tell her that, no one else. When they start serving alcohol and she flips out (and if she's anything like the people causing this same problem at my wedding were she will) just tell her you don't know what happened but you're sure they got the no alcohol message and then proceed to have fun at your reception! She'll most likely make a complete a$$ of herself in front of everyone so you can go cheap on the entertainment if you want!
It will probably help to have your fiance's support on whatever you do, though, and have them with you when you confront her about this issue.
Reply:Call it off!
It will only get worse!
You would be agreeing to becoming a SLAVE for life...
Reply:Cancel her wedding. Either elope or plan a small wedding that you can afford and do it your way. You are getting married and it should be the way you want it. Or else be prepared for her to run the rest of your life, too.
Reply:It's not her wedding, it's yours! Regardless of her kind gesture to pay a significant amount for your special occasion. Let her change her mind on paying so much if it's such a big thing for her. Remind her that it's your wedding to plan, and you appreciate her help, however some decisions are better made between you and your significant other. Good luck!
Reply:Ok. Understand that she is going to try to run your life from now on. It IS NOT TOO LATE TO NOT MARRY HER SON. If you really really really want to marry him, then elope. Seriously. You don't need a $30,000 wedding.If she says no drinking and your family drinks you will constantly have to keep everyone separate. You are talking about the rest of your life, not just your wedding. However, why will you "lose $7K" by foreiting the alcohol? That sounds like a scam.
Reply:Make a stand now or she will run your life forever. If she will not accept your terms for your wedding, then she can bail out. If your hesband does not support you, then cancel the whole thing. Plain and simple.
Reply:Why can't you speak up? If she doesn't like the dress, flower, color choices, and the alcohol, then she can keep her 20k. You said you'd be happy with a small wedding, anyway. Basically, she's over a barrel. If she wants this huge wedding to impress all her church friends, she has to go along with you and what you want. If she doesn't, she doesn't get her big wedding. So, really, YOU are in charge. She can't have the big wedding without you. So, either you have your small wedding and do what you want or she gets her big wedding because you get to do what you want. It's not a bad situation to be in. She's not holding YOU hostage; YOU are holding HER hostage.
Reply:Similar thing happend to me. The best thing you can do is decline her money and do it yourself. You can have a wonderful wedding with $10K!! Do not let her spoil your day..it;s the only first wedding you will ever have.
Reply:This is why you should never take money from anyone.
Tell her that you want alcoholic... if people don't want to drink or don't believe in it- that's their personal right and no one is making them drink. If she throws a fit about the money- give it back to her and pay for it yourself and cut her friends off the guest list.
Just stick to your guns!
Reply:There is only one thing you can do. Decline any financial assistance from her over 5k, and make sure everyone has equal say in the wedding plans.
Cut your budget by moving your reception elsewhere and your ceremony to a park.
Reply:Your fiance needs to sit down and explain the situation to his mom.
Even though you both GREATLY appreciate that she wants to put money towards the wedding, that doesn't make it HER wedding. You are the ones getting married, and you are putting $5K towards it. She should not have sole decision over your dress, colors, location, or choice of food and drink.
Talk to the hotel and see if they will give the non-drinking guests sparkling cider. That way your crowd could partake without offending the other side.
Reply:Tell her you don't need her money.
Reply:Cancel the whole thing. Elope, then have an intimate party with your close friends and family when you return. It's YOUR wedding, but if this person is hellbent on running the show, take matters into your own hands. How important is the three-ring circus to YOU? Isn't the most important thing the fact that you and your beloved are committing to a lifelong relationship. Oh yeah, I forgot--she's going to be part of that! Shoot. Good luck!
Reply:What does your future husband have to say about all this? Is there anybody that is willing to stand up to this controlling, castrating, overbearing, egotistical, self-serving woman?
Why don't you either come to an agreement with this terror or tell her to stick the money where her god won't see it and flip the bill yourself and have the kind of wedding you want, after all it is you who is getting married not her!
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